You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘couples’ tag.

This daily prayer is for all married couples.  

One suggestion: Husband and wife may hold each other’s hands while reciting this prayer.

O God, we want to live our life together with you and always to continue it with you. Help us never to hurt and never to grieve each other. Help us to share all our works, all our hopes, all our dreams, all our successes, all our failures, all our joys and all our sorrows. Help us to have no secrets from each other so that we may be truly one. Keep us always true to each other, and grant that all the years ahead may draw us ever closer to each other.

Grant that nothing may ever come between us and nothing may ever make us ever drift apart. And as we live with each other, help us to live with you, so that our love may grow perfect in your love, for you are the God whose name is love. This, we ask, for your love’s sake.

Amen

Source: Lordcalls.com

Advertisements

By

Almost any couple who wishes to marry goes through a process called engagement. Before their wedding ceremonies, every married couple has gone through an engagement period. But what really is engagement? Why is it important to couples who wish to marry?

Engagement is a process that happens when two adults agree to marry. It refers to the time gap between the formal marriage proposal and the actual marriage or wedding ceremonies. After this agreement, a couple is said to be “engaged” to each other. This is the time when a woman engaged to man is called that man’s fiancée, and he is called her fiancé.

It has been observed that couples who became engaged to each other wear their engagement rings. These rings are worn to commemorate their engagement and are different from the wedding rings which they present to each other during their formal wedding ceremonies. Engagement rings are worn on the left hand’s third finger.

Despite the numerous theories surrounding the origins of the wedding rings, it has been documented to have originated 1477 when Mary of Burgundy was given a diamond ring as his engagement gift by the Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I.

It has also been said that the tradition of wearing the ring on the third finger of the left hand came from Romans who believed that this finger is vein leading to the heart.

Engaged coupleThe engagement period is important and memorable to any couple. This is a time when they are seriously introduced to their future roles as husband and wife. Once engaged, a couple’s relationship shifts to a different depth because they are now preparing for a life together.

While they immerse themselves in the preparations for their wedding ceremony, they begin to seriously discuss plans for their future, and outline an essential path for the family that they are soon to create.

From being a dating couple, they are now called “engaged” to each other, and are somehow accepted in the community as husband and wife. The couple then moves up to a higher level of intimacy as they begin to assume their roles as future husband and wife.

During the engagement period, a couple spends more time with each other. While preparing for their union, they begin doing tasks together, and are regarded as husband and wife due to the legal binding of their future roles. They could, at this time, begin looking around for their future home.

These activities strengthen their bond and bring them even closer to each other and to their respective families. Some engaged couples go to as far as living together as soon as their engagement is formally announced.

It is also possible for couples living long distance to be engaged if they have the intention of getting married later on. One of them can later move in to where the other is, so they could be together. This could be tough for the person who relocates because this means a change of community, jobs, and being far from his/her family.

Engagement periods have no set time length, and the gap from this period to the formal wedding ceremony may vary according to the couple’s customs, choices, and religious beliefs. Some religious affiliations require a certain length of time from engagement to the wedding ceremonies.

For some couples, their engagement is accompanied by formal announcements to their families, friends, and their communities. They also hold a celebratory gathering or an informal party to commemorate their engagement.

Engagement is also very similar to betrothal, and these two terms have been interchangeably used through time. The difference of betrothal from engagement is that, betrothal is a more formal arrangement or agreement that involves not only the marrying couple but also their families and communities.

For couples whose marriages are arranged, this is the term used to describe the time gap from the formal announcement of their union until the wedding ceremonies.

About the Author

James Monahan is the owner and Senior Editor of EngagementHq.com and writes expert articles about engagements.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=James_Monahan

by Larry Bilotta

Let me ask you…do you know how many hours a day you SHOULD be spending on your marriage?

A happy, healthy marriage requires that time is spent WITH each other, ON each other and FOR each other. Unfortunately, most couples forget this and focus on other things they consider (at the time) to be a “priority”.

So just what are some of the demands are married couples faced with?

o Planning and attending the children’s events

o Fussing over wedding, shower, christening, birthday and anniversary gifts for loved ones

o Taking care of pets and day-to-day household chores

o Maintaining the home and vehicles

o Attending and preparing for church related events and gatherings

o Spending time with extended family and friends

Add to this the fact that some couples are faced with serious “road blocks” that put a great deal of pressure on their marriage such as:

o Dealing with a serious illness in the family

o Elderly parent moving into the house

o An affair

o A serious accident

o Financial struggles such as bankruptcy or maxed out credit cards

o Loss of a child or loved one

o And the list goes on…

In order to put each spouse’s time into perspective, let’s take a look at what they do during a typical 168 hour week:

Activity Time Spent Time remaining in the week

Sleep: 8 hrs/day | 56 hrs/week – *112 hr remaining

Job/Travel: 9 hrs/day | 45 hrs/week – *67 hrs remaining

Eating & Prep: 2 hrs/day | 14 hrs/week – *53 hr remaining

Kids issues & events: 3 hrs/day | 21 hrs/week – *32 hr remaining

Household maintenance: 1 hrs/day | 7 hrs/week – *25 hr remaining

Phone conversations: 1.5 hrs/day | 10.5 hrs/week – *14.5 hr remaining

Friends/Social life: 1.5 hrs/day | 10.5 hrs/ week – *4 hr remaining

And where do those last 4 hours go?

According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than four hours of TV each day (28 hours per week / two months of non-stop TV-watching per year). Let’s not focus on the idea that in a 65-year lifetime, a person will have spent nine years in front of a TV!

But let’s not assume that you are the average TV watcher. In fact, if you’re reading this article, you’re probably not watching anywhere NEAR that much TV. Instead, ask yourself: Do you have enough time for a good marriage?

To answer this question, we’ll need to discover what a “good marriage” REALLY is, and then we’ll discover the actual amount of time a “good marriage” requires in terms of hours per week. I have worked for many years now teaching married couples what they WISH they had learned BEFORE they got married.

I can explain what a good marriage is based on and what men and women need to be happy in marriage. In fact, I’ll get right down to it…

A man needs sexual intimacy and respect.

A woman needs financial security and emotional security.

Period.

When I work with couples, I give them these definitions and then ask them to give me a percentage on how much they are getting these needs on a 100% to 0% scale.

Over the years, I have found that in all good marriages, they each give me a rating between the 80% to 100% range. This means that a husband’s wife builds him up, overlooks his faults, looks for what’s good about him and takes a genuine…well, let me not waste words.

I’ll explain it concisely by showing you what a Real Wife and a Real Husband does to create a happy marriage using my Real Husband and Real Wife definitions which you can download here: http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/real.pdf

In a perfect world, men and women would have these two signs posted their bathroom so they could read it on a consistent basis while they prepare for their busy day. I guarantee that any couple who even comes close to these definitions would tell you they are generally very happy in their marriage.

So how much TIME does it take to create this ideal marriage? After dealing with all the day-to-day life issues listed on the time chart you saw earlier, the remaining hours left for your marriage could EASILY be spent on watching TV.

TV is easy. It requires no thinking, no physical activity, no interaction with other people and no sacrifice on your part. You just sit down and let the cares of the day slowly drift away while you consume yourself with your favorite TV show.

The Neilson study about time use dramatizes the fact that Television is the #1 form of entertainment in the Nation. Nothing else even comes close in terms of time commitment. Americans in general are looking for the easy life that Television delivers.

It’s a fact that no relationship is as intense, demanding or as fulfilling as a marriage can be. It is the toughest, yet the most rewarding relationship you can have with another person. So WHY then do we choose to make EVERYTHING ELSE our top priority while we leave only 4 measly hours a week devote to our marriage?

Now think about this because I guarantee you haven’t before. Does anyone actually care about the health of YOUR relationship, your connection with each other and your marriage? In this society, marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs and my point is no one really cares about the goose.

Let me prove my point that your marriage is the goose and everyone wants your “golden eggs”. Your children don’t care about your marriage …..until mom and dad are in big trouble and can’t stop fighting. Both sets of your parents don’t care about YOUR marriage.

In reality they care about their own son or daughter in the marriage, not the marriage itself. Your extended family members don’t care about YOUR marriage …but they do care that you bring a gift for nephews, nieces and come to the party…but they have nothing to say about your marriage.

Friends don’t care about YOUR marriage.They are polite to you as a couple, but really care about you as individuals…the person they knew BEFORE the wedding.

Your kid’s school won’t care about your marriage. They just need to know which one of you is going to volunteer for the fund drive or show up for parent teacher night.

It’s rare for churches – synagogues to care for your marriage. For most, it’s just not on their radar. They have no preventative maintenance program for married couples to keep them from falling into disrepair.

When it comes to assets, the goose of your marriage has got the goods. Marriage makes the two of you more stable and financially successful because of your union. Together you produce the golden eggs that build a strong Nation. Marriage has been ignored in this country thought it is the most VALUABLE and BENEFICIAL of all relationships.

No one has suggested “National Marriage Day” to bring to light the fact that marriages must be cared for and nurtured. We must protect the goose that lays the golden eggs. Instead what we have is a “goose killing society” because they don’t understand marriage.

When a marriage falls apart, friends, relatives, coworkers, schools, and even religious organization don’t know what to tell you. They don’t know what to do because very few people understand what it takes to create a successful marriage and even FEWER people know why marriages fall apart.

With this background in mind, it’s easy to see how the two of you will be influenced to put your priorities where everyone says your priorities should be…ON THEM! This is the reason your time, (one of the goose’s major assets) is freely given away to everyone else and only 4 hours a week is left for the male and female halves of the goose, to take care of itself.

If no one cares about the health of your marriage and the two of you don’t care either, then where does that leave your family? Who will care enough to keep your marriage together if the two of you don’t even know how? Who in this society will strengthen your marriage if not the two of you?

The answer is NO ONE…because no one cares about the goose. And this brings me to my conclusion that… “Only a HEALTHY Goose Can Lay Golden Eggs”

Hopefully you can now see that your marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs. Together, you create secure and successful children that will shape our future and the future of our Grandchildren.

Together, you pay the taxes that run our cities, the mortgages that build new homes and create the wealth of society. It is as husband and wife that the two of you contribute to a strong society. Together, your savings and investments make this a stronger Nation…as a union, the two of you lay the golden eggs that contribute to our great Nation…and the prosperity of every human being on the planet for that matter.

So how do you take care of the goose, how to you keep your marriage strong? You must talk to each other to strengthen the goose. Talk…as in CONVERSATION, not just in passing. Talking, sharing ideas and listening to each other takes time and 4 hours a week is the absolute MINIMUM amount of time that you should spend doing this activity.

Talk openly and be sure not to criticize each other while you are talking. This will add depth to your relationship and keep your marriage strong. Probably the most well worn piece of marriage advice is to plan a “date night” on a regular basis.

You plan that date and suddenly the world of demanders comes and tries to steal even that little time from the goose. Don’t let it happen. Take a closer look at all the time restraints on your marriage that you would normally use to serve the needs of others and remember that Only a Healthy Goose Lays Golden Eggs, and improving your marriage takes time. It will not happen overnight.

You need to be in a good state of mind when the two of you face the unexpected and uninvited troubles of life that might take the form of bankruptcy, a sick child, or various kinds of addictions that could affect either of you.

If collectively, you are not a “healthy goose”, those troubles can rip the goose apart and one-million five hundred thousand divorces a year prove it. In times of trouble, you must talk to each other MORE, not less. To talk, you need to feel safe with each other. To feel safe, both of you need to really listen to each other without judgment.

If you have to vent your troubles and worries, take turns, then put it all behind you. IT ALL TAKES TIME. Give your marriage the time and the world will continue to thank you for your golden eggs.

Wondering if there’s still hope for your marriage? Discover how to save your marriage. Get FREE tips and advice to help you get your marriage back on track the RIGHT WAY at Larry Bilotta’s Marriage Saving web site http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Larry_Bilotta

There are tons of articles written on business plans, marketing strategies, taxing planning, car maintenance and so on. But is the same type of analysis ever recommended for the most important job in your life, that of being a spouse? Your marriage may be very good, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t review your current situation to determine areas of improvement. Maybe there is a particular pet peeve that annoys your spouse. Have you done anything to address this “flaw” in your personality? Or has the attitude been: he or she can deal with it.

Take a step back and look at your marriage over the past year. Is your marriage flourishing? Which is doing better – your marriage or your business? Which do you spend more time on?

Are you spending more hours at the office and less at home? Are you spending more hours glued to some “electronic leash” and having less social interaction with your family?

Issues can crop up slowly over the course of time and don’t reveal themselves until the problem is serious. Perform some preventive medicine with your marriage. Look at your marriage over the past six months. A year. Pick out any areas of improvement. Discuss them with your spouse, if necessary.

Bottom line: don’t let your marriage ride on auto pilot. Maybe the next time you take your car in for an oil change, you can also spend a few minutes reviewing your relationship.

@WeddedWisdom

by D. P. Haynes

Married and feeling desperate, disappointed, discouraged and unhappy is not what most couples signed up for when they said “I do.” Married and dealing with infidelity, loneliness, low self-esteem, lack of communication, disrespect and unhappiness is definitely not what was expected with your marriage commitment. Well, statistics show that over 50% of the marriages today end up in divorce. I can give you 2 reasons (in my humble opinion) why there is unhappiness in most of the marriages that end up in divorce. Selfishness and lack of love!

In a broad sense there are some common problems in a marriage that take the marriage from a blissful relationship to that unhappy marriage stage such as;

  • Abuse (Physical and Emotional)
  • Communication
  • Fighting
  • Commitment by one or both spouses
  • Infidelity
  • Money
  • Intimacy
  • Jealousy

 All of the above issues can lead to an unhappy marriage. If you have been married for a little while (it doesn’t take long) you probably stumbled upon one of these issues. You may not have become unhappy with your marriage but a brief flash of “oh no what did I get myself into” probably popped into your head. If you haven’t hit one of these marriage hurdles yet, trust me you will.

Let’s deal with the selfishness that ignites a lot of the fires in a marriage and turns them from happy to an unhappy marriage.

Here is the definition of selfish just for the record; devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

A very selfish person is very difficult to either be happy in a marriage or make a spouse happy, unless they change and become less selfish during the marriage. Marriage is a commitment between 2 people being joined together as one. It’s no longer my stuff and your stuff, or my time and your time or my money and your money. Everything is now “ours” once you get married. A very selfish person is unwilling to put their spouses’ interests, benefits, and welfare first. This can lead to an unhappy marriage.

Can an unselfish person be responsible for making the marriage unhappy? The answer of course is yes. However, I believe you have a much greater chance of having a happy marriage instead of an unhappy marriage because an unselfish person is more likely to grow together with their unselfish spouse and become like one.

To make a marriage become better and go from being an unhappy marriage to a happy marriage we need to get the selfish spouse(s) to see how putting their interests ahead of the spouse or in some cases the entire family is causing frustration, hurt, disappointment and could lead to unintended results, such as a divorce.

Now let’s tackle the love or lack of love that makes a marriage unhappy.

Here is the Webster definition of love; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Here is a better definition that I like and if it exists in a marriage there is a greater chance for happiness instead of an unhappy marriage; Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. That’s the real meaning of love according to the Bible. I don’t think you can have an unhappy marriage with this kind of love.

Does it mean that if you love your spouse with this kind of love you will never have issues to overcome in your marriage? Of course not! However, do you think you have a better shot of having a happy or unhappy marriage?

So the key to being happy or working towards fixing an unhappy marriage is less selfishness and more love. Sounds pretty simple but is very difficult to do. It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks right? WRONG!

Every person is capable of change. It’s called making a commitment to doing so and following through. If you want to stop smoking you can. If you want to stop drinking too much alcohol you can. If you want to stop gaining weight you can. If you want to be happier in your marriage you can. The only difference is sometimes it takes both spouses to be willing to change for the sake of making an unhappy marriage better.

Here are 8 basic things or tips you can work on to move from the unhappy marriage stage to the happy stage of marriage. If you and your spouse can work toward the same goal, that would be best. If not, you make a commitment to make things better and your spouse will come around eventually.

  1. Fighting fair– Don’t bring up things from the past that were supposed to be forgiven and forgotten. It’s like pouring salt on an open wound. Don’t say hurtful things about your spouse that you know will cause a lot of pain, and add to unhappiness in the marriage.
  2. Stop sweating the small stuff– Make it a point to stop getting aggravated, frustrated and disappointed over little things that really aren’t that important. Overlook the little things that you normally complain about that gets under your skin. You know what they are.
  3. Enjoy being around your spouse– Don’t disappear when your spouse comes home or when they enter the room your in. Stop acting like you enjoy life more when they are out of the house, out of town or at least not in the same room as you. Let your spouse know that you enjoy it when you are together.
  4. Don’t talk negative about your spouse to others– It’s very easy to share what’s wrong with your spouse that’s driving you crazy. Stop doing that immediately. No spouse likes to be talked about in that way. It’s not okay to make jokes about your spouse around family or friends that betrays a trust. If you don’t have anything positive to say don’t say anything.
  5. Talk to your spouse– It’s not okay to go hours or days playing the silent I’m not talking to you game. There is nothing gained by shutting down and not talking to your spouse. It’s difficult at times but the only time you should not be talking is if for some reason you are really upset and need a little time to cool off. Otherwise, keep the lines of communication open. I know not talking times gives you peace of mind. But don’t settle for a temporary time of peace when you could work on fixing your unhappy marriage problem.
  6. Act like a married couple– Don’t take separate cars to the same place unless it’s really necessary. That’s what you did before you got married. No separate vacations, or bedrooms. You need to be committed to being a couple and not married singles.
  7. Don’t take advice from the wrong people– There will be many family, friends and enemies who will offer you free advice. Be careful who you talk to and more importantly who you listen to. It’s very difficult for a spouse to be happy in a marriage knowing that you have blabbed your marriage problems to the world. You also don’t want to follow advice from someone who has been married 3 times. It’s better to limit the circle of people you discuss your marriage with and you also don’t always need to share all the details. The wrong people can’t tell you how to fix your unhappy marriage problem
  8. Support your spouse – Make sure you are there for your spouse even though you don’t want to be. If there is a family function with your in-laws don’t stay home. Be there for your spouse. The same thing goes for work or even playful functions like a sporting event. It’s important for your spouse to know that you care enough to be with them even though they know you don’t want to be around certain people. It shows that they mean more to you than your feelings about other people.

There are many ways to take your unhappy marriage and make it better. The key to Restoring Your Relationship is to work on being less selfish and being more loving. Put your spouse’s interests ahead of yours and you will be happier and so will your spouse.

Living in an unhappy marriage is difficult and hard to sustain. If you need some proven strategies and techniques to make your marriage better I would suggest taking a look here at Save My Marriage Today.

You deserve a happy marriage because that’s what you agreed to when you said “I do”. Take the steps to get what you deserve.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=D_P_Haynes

by Jean LeStourgeon

“All things were created by Him and for Him…and in Him all things hold together” (Colossians 1:16b-17a). Having a successful marriage first requires you to understand what God had in mind for marriage. After all, If you want to understand the purpose behind an invention, you consult the One who invented it, right!

Since marriage is God’s creation, He is in the saving marriages business. God created marriage for three very specific reasons, just like He created you, for very specific reasons. Our lives are more satisfying when we cooperate with God in fulfilling our purposes. Marriage is no exception…

First, you’ve probably learned that men and women were made in God’s image (Gen. 1:26-27). But, did you know that within the marriage relationship husbands and wives also bear the image of God? They do this by demonstrating love and faithfulness to each other…like God does with us. You see, God covenants with His people, husbands and wives covenant to each other and God. So marriage was created to reflect God’s faithfulness in the world.

The second reason God created marriage was to meet human needs. Needs for food, shelter and clothing as well as needs for love, acceptance, intimacy, and faithfulness. In that way marriage is a picture to the world of how God provides for His people.

Marriage is God’s conduit for love. It was designed to be a safe harbor where a man and a woman could be totally naked and unashamed. A place where they could experience the unconditional love and acceptance of God through each other.

Third, marriage is one of the ways God expands His Kingdom and accomplishes His work in the earth. He commanded men and women to go forth and multiply, be fruitful and take dominion over the earth(Genesis 1:28).
Unfortunately, it is very difficult to do as God commanded when you are at odds with your spouse. Conflict drains our emotional and creative energies. Sadly, many husbands and wives feel like they are sleeping with the enemy instead of with their comrade in arms.

Marriage was designed with unity in mind. When a husband and wife are on the same page, so to speak, they are reflecting the unity of the Godhead. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Unity is so important that Jesus told us it would be a great sign to the world testifying that He truly is the Son of God (John 17:23).

Okay, now you have the general idea God had in mind when He designed marriage, but saving marriage requires a plan.

First, you need to decide, once and for all, are you going to commit to honoring God through your marriage. Are you going to do it God’s way? Are you going to trust His word, His plan and His design? If you answered yes, let’s move on…

If you’re making a plan to improve or save your marriage you need to start out on the right foot. That means getting right with God and your spouse first! To get right requires humility. It requires taking responsibility for the negative, sinful things you have contributed to your marriage without justifying yourself or blaming your spouse.

Confession of sin can be a turning point in our lives. It means we are in agreement with God about our sin and we are choosing to turn away from it. When we do this, God’s word promises to give us the power to accomplish that. Some of the things you may want to consider confessing are: the ways in which you have not trusted and honored God, the ways you have not obeyed His word, the consequences of your choices to you, your spouse and your marriage.

Exercising humility is a crucial part of any saving marriages plan. Making confession of sin a regular part of your marriage will keep you humble and help to maintain emotional intimacy. Apologies go a long way in keeping our hearts pliable and loving towards our spouse and God.

The next step in the saving marriages blueprint is making a plan for knowing your spouse’s most important needs. You also must become intentional about meeting those needs. Your spouse will feel more connected and in love with you when you are meeting his/her most important emotional needs.

Regular prayer is necessary for a successful marriage. Pray that God would show His love and faithfulness to your spouse through you. Prayer is how we experience the personal relationship we have with God through Christ. It is also where we avail ourselves to the grace of God. Therefore, your plan for saving marriage must include daily prayer for your spouse and your ability to love them.

A marriage that reflects God’s image is a safe marriage. God is our refuge, therefore your marriage should be a refuge for both you and your spouse. A safe relationship is one where both husband and wife feel accepted even if there are disagreements. A plan for saving marriages needs to include a plan for safety. Neither spouse should ever have to worry about the proverbial nuclear bomb being dropped on them!

That’s why a plan for saving marriages must address conflict. Your marriage can be free from condemnation, contempt, critical attitudes and defensiveness. It’s your choice! It can be a place where you are quick to take responsibility for your own actions and slow to point your finger of blame. It is not, however, a marriage that is free from conflict. But, yours can be a marriage where both parties fight fair.

Finally, your saving marriages plan needs to include specific goals, goals that are written down. After all, God wrote down His plan…we call it the Bible! Isn’t that a good enough reason for you to write down your plan for your marriage. Written goals are powerful. They help move a plan into motion.

Keep in mind, your goals need to be consistent with God’s purpose for your marriage. Your goals will help you stay on track and give more purpose, meaning and direction to your marriage and family life. You may want to have goals in the following areas: Spiritual (we will study and pray together regularly), parenting (we will always be unified when disciplining the children), finances ( we will decide on a budget and stick to it), health (we will exercise regularly and eat right), communication (we will speak lovingly and respectfully to one another).

Well, that should be enough to get you started developing your own personal saving marriages plan. Remember, the Creator of marriage is in the business of saving marriages. Put your hope in the Lord for with Him is unfailing love and full redemption (Psalm 130:7).

Get valuable Marriage and wedding advice @WeddedWisdom

Jean LeStourgeon, MA, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in private practice in Palm Bay, Florida. She also operates the website Christian Counseling Online where you can find lots more information and tools on topics like marriage problems and marriage advice.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jean_LeStourgeon

by Chelsey Swanson

Marriage counseling is an attempt to help a couple resolve any number of types of problems they may be having in their marriage, and to empower them to go forward and have a more successful relationship. No matter what combination of problems, couples seek counseling to get a better understanding of what has gone wrong in their marriage.

Throughout a marriage it is common for resentment due to unresolved issues to build up to such an extent that one or both partners may feel hopeless enough to consider divorce as an option. Frequently, by the time a married couple decides to seek professional help; they have so much resentment built up to such a high level that their issues are much more difficult to resolve, if not impossible. This does not mean that the marriage can not be restored. Although one or both partners may think that seeking counseling is an admission of failure, counseling can help a couple rebuild or restore their relationship.

Even though marriage counseling is usually conducted with both partners present, there are times when a more motivated partner may greatly benefit from individual sessions in regards to the marital relationship or any personal issues affecting their relationship. Counseling usually lasts a short period of time, until the problems are resolving or the couple feel empowered enough to handle any remaining issues on their own.

No one goes into a marriage thinking their marriage may end in divorce. However, because almost half of all marriages do end in divorce, there is an increased need for couples to seek marriage counseling. Although many couples enter counseling as a last-ditch effort to save a troubled relationship, marriage counseling can be seen as a proactive way to improve or enhance something worth preserving. Many couples struggle for years before they make the decision to go to a marriage counselor in an effort to”save” their marriage.

Couples do not have to wait to pursue counseling until they think the only way out is divorce. In most cases marriage counselors can be very effective earlier in the marriage or when the couple first notices some problems. The main exception to the potential effectiveness of marriage counseling occurs when there is severe domestic violence; or even mild domestic violence in which the offending partner or partners will not seek help for violence issues.

In most other situations, the earlier couples seek marriage counseling the better. The longer the couple waits and the greater the marital conflict; the harder it is to resolve marital issues. However, if a couple has struggled for years, it is not too late to get counseling in which the partners may renew their energies and mutual goals, refocus their attention, as well as adding a whole new perspective to their relationship.

Frequently marriage counseling can and often does help couples open the lines of communication. How many times do marriage partners say, “We just can’t communicate”? Couples often look to marriage counseling when they can no longer communicate with each other and are so frustrated that they no longer know what to do. It is well accepted that communication is a key to healthy and happy relationships. Marriage counseling often includes the learning of communication and conflict resolution skills, as well as increased understanding of family dynamics.

Marriage counselors are trained in family dynamics; psychoanalysis; and know how to identify client’s needs, interests, and problems. They also have training that allows them to help clients work through the problems and come to mutually beneficial compromises and solutions. Equipped with therapeutic skills the counselor is able to identify underlying problems of which the couple may not have been aware or were not able to confront on their own. Even a very highly functioning person may have difficulties in a marital relationship. A skilled marriage counselor will not do or say anything to trigger a client to feel guilty or blame themselves or their partner for their problems. They will teach clients to work through problems, forgive for the past, and get over negative feelings.

Marriage counseling is worth the time and effort. Couples who are having marital difficulties that they have been unable to resolve on your own and would like to renew and repair their relationship are well advised to try marriage counseling. If a couple is heading toward a possible divorce and have not tried counseling, they will never know for sure whether they could have preserved their marriage unless they make the effort. Even if the couple eventually decides to divorce they will most likely have benefited by the work they have done, the insights they have had, and the skills they have learned during marriage counseling. These benefits can help them in the decoupling process that takes place during and after a separation or divorce.

Chesley C. Swanson, LMSW An Austin Area Counselor
http://www.ParentingSpecialist.com
Chesley@ParentingSpecialist.com
512-784-4888

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Chesley_Swanson

Follow and share our tweets @WeddedWisdom

by Paige Mercer

Love in a marriage is what makes the marriage complete. You and your spouse should show a commitment to love and marriage, thus making both last.

Reflect on the following ideas:

Self Understanding

When you understand yourself, you know how far you can go and you know how much you can take in. when you understand yourself you will also understand your spouse. You will love them with all their strengths and short comings. You will love and care for them just the way they are. You will not take advantage of the other partner when you understand yourself. Having self understanding is key to Love and Marriage- making both last.

Communication Skills

How do you communicate? How do you address your partner either in front of people or when it is just two of you? Respect is fundamental in any marriage. When you respect your spouse, others will not have a problem respecting her too because they will be afraid of hurting you. When you do this, the other party feels appreciated. Even when things are not right, choose your words carefully because words can make or break your relationship. Choose to communicate wisely because you look forward to making both love and marriage last.

In-law Intrusion

Almost 90% of marriages suffer in-law intrusion. This could be dangerous but with proper planning it can be sorted out. Never make a decision in favor of your in law. This is because the other partner may feel dishonored and disrespected. When an in law comes in between the marriage, both partners must be careful to making both love and marriage last.

Show Appreciation

Appreciate your spouse for everything – both the big and the little achievements. Ensure your partner always feels your love. In whatever he undertakes, let him or her know what you feel because though they might not show it, your decisions affect them in one way or another.

Dish out Complements

Giving complements does not cost much but it means so much. Complement each other as often as possible. Being complementary takes conscious effort. Do it every time and it will become a part of you. This way, when your partner thinks of you they know they are deeply loved and appreciated by someone special. They hold or carry you in their hearts dearly.

Have humor and Laughter

Humor and laughter make a marriage beautiful. When you are a joyful couple even when you face difficult situations, you will always come out strong. You will learn to weather through the good and the bad times as you journey through life together.

Love and Marriage- Making both last is not an unachievable task.

About Paige Mercer
Paige is a graphic designer who enjoys fitness and the outdoors. She uses mobile printers so she can work anywhere, even outside! She enjoys nature, reading and fitness. Check out her website, http://www.bluetoothprinters.net to learn how you can print from anywhere in your house – even outside!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Paige_Mercer

by Dr. Randy Carney

How do I get my husband to love me again?” may be your question. Just about all projects or goals of any size or importance require several steps during a period of time to complete. Projects which might be any level of complexity take time, preparation and staying with it through a number of phases over extended time periods. Setting out to get your husband to love you again is no exception. Choosing to break the destructive relationship cycle isn’t any different. Here are tips on how to get your husband to love you again in five easy steps.

Step 1. Quit Being Clingy

This will be important because when your husband feels smothered, he has a tendency to pull away. When you pull away somewhat, he will have the opportunity to initiate making contact again, like he did when you were dating. In the event you skip or ignore this, you will miss out on the opportunity for him to “pursue” you again. If there really is hope for restoration, this will be an essential step, and it will help you answer the question, “How can I get my husband to love me again?”

Step 2. Return to the Characteristics He Fell in Love With

This can be a really critical step that will need your full attention and concentration. You have to do it this way: He was attracted to you once, and he can be again. The reason why you need this is that life sometimes brings pressures that cause both of you to lose some of your earlier excitement and earlier characteristics. Remember what you used to be like. Then take steps to be that person again. Concentrate on one thing at a time. This is a good way to get your husband to love you again.

Step 3. See if Small Things Are Festering

The reason for this is to realize that little irritations can turn into big problems. Have you insisted on things that don’t really matter being your way? Maybe you need to “give up” some of your preferences.

Likewise, it is good to talk things over–things that you have avoided. Learn how to come to agreement over small disagreements..

Step 4. Find Out What He Cannot Resist

To explain and amplify on that some: It might take some new information to spice things up a little. This would be especially important if you have let the physical intimacy area of your marriage slip somewhat. He may be tempted to stray. However, if you find out what he can’t resist, you have much ammunition for winning the battle of getting him back.

Step 5. Show Him Respect

According to many studies, one of a man’s greatest needs is to be respected and admired by his wife.

There is a “love and respect” cycle in many marriages. The husband needs respect, and the wife needs love. If one fails in that area, the other is likely to react and not fulfill his or her part. This is the “destructive relationship cycle” that we referred to earlier. If you want his love again, you will have to make him feel respected.

The cycle works like this: The husband withdraws love. Then the wife withdraws respect. Then the husband resists showing love even more. Then the wife feels like respecting even less, and on and on it can go. If you want to get your husband to love you again, you will have to break the destructive relationship cycle.

Finally, assuming you have kept to the program and followed the tips well, you should have succeeded and will now have fun with the fruits of that success! You can now go on and take steps that will move your marriage toward a state of marital bliss. You could be a little bit pleased with yourself and self-satisfied! You achieved what you set out to accomplish! Savor the sweet taste of success! Now enjoy yourself and your marriage!

If you didn’t follow the tips set forth above, well… good luck anyway. You will probably need it…;-)

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Randy_Carney

Additional Information: Discover methods to approach a state of marital bliss by implementing six keys to success. You can get a free mini-course to help with this by going to my What Husbands Can’t Resist site at http://the-loving-way.com/husband-doesnt-want-physical-intimacy/.

The What Husbands Can’t Resist resource deals specifically with physical intimacy, but you will see that the principles help in many other areas too.

By Sanjay Kali

It is said that marriages are made in heaven and marriage vows are sacred in nature. Whatever may be the truth, marriage is one of the oldest human institutions surviving through ages and still doing fine. In fact it is one of those primary relationships which give rise to a family which in turn leads to the higher social structures and the society. Marriage has undergone tremendous change over thousands of years. Today in few parts of the world and in few societies, marriage is an established social structure for a primary relationship between a Man and Women based on equality and shared bonding.
Marriage vows: The reality

But this may not be true as black and white. If we analyze the marriage structure across societies around the world we will find lot of grey areas which are of concern. We may find that in many societies women are purchased like commodities at the market place. Here the criterion for selection is the amount of dowry the Women brings with her. In many more societies the only role of women in marriage is reproduction, procreation and bringing up the next generation. In such marriages it has been seen that women has to sacrifice her individuality at the expense of the family. Ironically such sacrifices are accepted as strict norms and rules for the women involved in the marriage but they are not applicable for the men. So in real terms marriage becomes a burden for the women involved. It becomes one of the classic tools of suppression and exploitation of women. All kinds of evil deeds against women are seen in the guise of marriage like the physical and mental torture of women in the name of dowry or covert and overt ways of control of women through the marriage including a check on their physical, psychological, financial, social and religious independence.

Marriage vows: The positive side

Nevertheless marriage is an institution which is worthwhile to preserve for the sake of all the positive advantages it offers to the society. Marriage allows the couple a life of love and commitment to each other and it provides a stable and protective environment for bringing up the next generation. Marriage helps us to live a life of love, compassion, sharing, caring and commitment which not only involves the self but also others in the family. In fact this is an institution which if properly understood and incorporated as part of our lives, can help us in evolving as a more refined human being who is capable of caring for others and who cares for the nature itself. Therefore marriage vows are sacred in nature.

Marriage vows: Interpretation of love in marriage

On the other hand marriage can also become a living hell if there is no love between the partners in the marriage. Now love in today’s society has a very-very narrow meaning. Most of the marriages which have failed have sown the seeds of their own down fall either because of the evil practices which I had mentioned earlier or because of the “lack of love, bonding & mutual care” between the partners. When a person interprets lack of love and caring most of the times he/she ends up telling about only his/her needs which are perceived not to be fulfilled ignoring the other persons unfulfilled needs from the marriage. This is pure selfishness based only on one’s self interest. This is not love. In fact this might have been a relationship where both the individuals only cared about their own needs ignoring the other person’s aspirations and his/her needs. Always it has been seen that a marriage which is moving towards a failure has self interest as the primary cause of failure. Further the negative and manipulative developments due to the so called friends and relatives compound the problem to a great extent.

Marriage vows: No single answer for failure or success

There can be lot of angles through which we can analyze why a particular marriage was a failure or for that matter why majority of marriages are a big success even in today’s materialistic world.

Marriage vows: Building the essential structures for married life

Speaking in a broader sense, I feel every marriage can work if people can look at their marriage through the spiritual, intellectual, mental, emotional and the physical planes strictly according to the order that I have mentioned. When we start looking the marriage through the spiritual dimension then the whole “scheme of the nature” opens in front of us. Then we can see the larger purpose of the marriage and we can see the meaning of the marriage in terms of what it can offer to the individuals involved, what it can offer to the family that is raised, what it can offer to the near and dear ones from both the sides and most importantly what it can offer to the society and the humanity at large.

Marriage vows: Living the real life

For the germination of a thinking based on holism and unification, we need to come out of our “outer exterior” that we portray to the world and live the real life we cherish and value. It is paramount for the couple to discus and open up their soul’s true urge to each other and then synthesize a common structure at the spiritual level. They should know why they are coming together and how they see themselves together in the short term, the medium term and the long term. The couple should discuss their purpose of coming together in depth which in turn will provide the awareness and inclination to lay a structure and framework towards achieving their mutually synthesized purpose.

Marriage vows: Marriage with a mutually synthesized purpose

When the couple starts living their life dedicated to their mutually synthesized purpose, they will find that they are truly becoming independent and free in their growth as an individual and still remaining complementary and beneficial to each other, their near and dear ones and the society at large. Such a mutually complementary life sows the seed of real love and commitment which considers the total well being of not only the self but also the other person, the extended family, the society and the world.

Marriage vows: Highest foundation of spiritual awakening

Once a couple start living their life with their inner voice as the supreme guiding force, the world will start respecting them as individuals as well as a couple. People and society will then seek suggestions and advice from the couple and further they will have only suggestions and advise to offer to the couple. In fact the world will lose the power to interfere in the couple’s day-to-day life.

Such a marriage based on the highest foundation of spiritual awakening based on our soul’s desire is bound to succeed. A life lived with our inner soul’s voice can never ever lead us to a wrong direction. It may throw up hurdles and barriers but it will also help us develop the strength and resourcefulness to invent ways to overcome these hurdles and barriers.

Marriage vows: Solid foundation for a marriage

Once we have a solid foundation based on the spiritual and the intuitional wisdom, we can start expanding the same into the intellectual, mental, emotional and physical planes. We can then think about the way we will use our keen intellect and mental energies to deal with the issues and people in our life. We will be then able to handle the negativity around us more rationally. We will then stop condemning a negative person and also stop becoming ourselves negative. On the other hand we will then try asking questions like, why this person is generating so much negativity. Are we the cause of it? Or is this person so negative because of his/her circumstances and past experiences? Whatever the cause may be, we will be then able to either solve the negativity or avoid the negativity without condemning the person involved and without we falling into the negativity trap. This will also help us to come out of the “blame game” which is so typical of today’s society.

Further this kind of thinking will allow us to understand the negative and positive structures and help us to build on the positive structures of life and simultaneously either resolve, downplay or avoid the negative structures. We therefore prevent ourselves from getting into the negative spiral.

Thus with strong spiritual and intuitional wisdom as our foundation in life and with sound intellectual and mental balance to distinguish between the negative and positive structures of life it will become very easy for us to live in the emotional and physical planes. This will make us live a life with emotional and physical commitment to our near and dear ones, it will help us in starting a family with true commitment and dedication, it will help us in bringing the next generation in a protective and nurturing environment and it will help us in creating financial and material resources to look after us, our families and to be helpful to the society at large with the additional resources in hand.

Marriage vows: Integration of life at every level

Only by living a life which synthesizes and integrates the spiritual, intuitional, intellectual, mental and physical planes, we can think about living a life in sync with nature and our inner self. This makes us part of the nature’s scheme of things in bringing the unification of forces. We need to believe in this unification of forces and actively practice in establishing it through motivating and strongly cajoling each other towards it. Only if this is done, we can think about bringing positive forces in our life and only then we can move ahead in life taking everybody along with us.

Marriage vows: Rupture in the marital relations

Now if a couple can work on the above mentioned platform from the beginning, the synthesis of life becomes easy. On the other hand if the marriage is already in trouble because of all the negative structures of the past and if the couple is trying to work out the process of rapprochement then they should keep one thing in their mind that is the whole process of rapprochement is a slow and steady process and it will evolve as per the will of the nature.

We should not think of pushing it or hastening it as nature has its own course of action. We are nobody to control nature. It may take months and years to break the negative structures and thus clear the bad blood and animosity between everybody involved. The miracles of nature happen slowly and steadily.

We need to understand the fact that to break and destroy things is easier and faster. To build a new structure from the ruins, it takes great courage, commitment and lot of time. As they say the real character of a person is known by how he/she acts in the times of adversity.

Marriage vows: Finding a win-win situation

In the troubled times, the rapprochement and counseling session should work on the immediate goal of finding a working solution to prevent the complete collapse of the marriage by offering a win-win situation to everybody involved.

Marriage vows: Open communication

The most important thing in this regard will be an open and free communication between the couple involved as well as the true well wishers of the couple who want to see them back together. This communication should not become a blame-game session nor should it become a session of dominating each other. These communication sessions should explore the possibility of constructing a middle ground to live a life based on the structures of spiritual, intellectual, mental, emotional and physical well being of everybody concerned.

Marriage vows: The choice is with the couple

Therefore it is indeed in the hands of the partners involved in the marriage to either make marriage vows sacred or make marriage a living hell for themselves. The choice is indeed with them and nobody else.

Sleepless Nights?

End Your Insomnia Today

Updates @WeddedWisdom

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 175 other followers

THANK YOU!

We appreciate you taking the time to visit WeddedWisdom.com. We value the sanctity of marriage and hope to help strengthen your union today.
%d bloggers like this: