Blogger Matt Walsh has hit a home-run with a recent article of his, addressing how porn habits can affect the success of a marriage.  Walsh begins by saying:

I know a guy who cheats on his wife. He cheats on her every day. He cheats on her multiple times a day. He’s a husband and a father and a serial adulterer.

I shouldn’t know this fact about him, but it came up in conversation a few days ago. We were talking about the divorce rate; both of us gave our theories as to why the statistics are so high. I mentioned in my diagnosis a few studies that show pornography to be a root cause in over 50 percent of divorces annually.

He laughed. “People don’t get divorced over porn.” He went on to explain that porn isn’t a “big deal” to most people. It’s not “like it’s cheating or something.” He told me that he looks at it multiple times daily. His wife, he insisted, might be a little peeved if she knew the extent of it, but only because women overreact about “that kind of thing.”

What kind of thing? Their husbands spending all day obsessively plunging through the darkest regions of the internet for graphic sexual images of rape, abuse, perversion, exploitation and other forms of filthy depravity previously unknown to mankind?

Yeah. That kind of thing.

Men, are you interested in fixing this serious problem?  Read the rest of Matt’s fantastic article.

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Eighth Rising published an excellent article recently, listing 10 tips specifically for the wives in the marriage.  Written by a woman who has been through divorce and learned a thing or two (or ten), Karen gives her wedded wisdom advice from a female perspective.

1. Respect your husband.  – Notice how it does not say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife.  The trap that we have all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.

2. Guard your heart.  – The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you have been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough.  There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.

3. God, husband, kids…in that order.  – I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so… READ THE REST OF KAREN’S ARTICLE

by Ryan Rivera

Marriage Older married couple flowersA successful marriage is made from more than just wedding rings and legal documents—it mainly consists of that immaterial and priceless element known as trust. However, trust can waver, and even be broken, at which point high amounts of anxiety about both your legal and emotional bonds come into play.

The following tips will help you learn to reintroduce trust, and consequently, success to your marriage.

 

 

  • Keep to Your Word – Make a point of making promises you can keep, and, most importantly, actually keeping them. Take to writing yourself reminder notes or setting alarms to ensure that you are consistently honest and on-track. However, don’t police each other, or allow the other person to police you—ask them politely to allow you to prove yourself, instead. The more often you show the other person that you are keeping to your word as entirely as possible, the more confident they will become in your trustworthiness and in the strength of the marriage as a whole.
  • Be Direct – Don’t harbor mistrust if you are really bothered by something the other person has done or is doing. Keeping your mistrust a secret for fear of hurting the marriage further or resorting to spying on or resenting the other person can be highly damaging to trust that needs to be rebuilt. Instead, begin with sincerely explaining why you are feeling mistrust, and discuss with them ways in which you can reassure each other without encroaching on one another’s personal freedom.
  • Address Mistrust Calmly – If trust has been lost, any further instances of mistrust must be handled extremely gently. It doesn’t matter if apologies have been made and promises sworn. If something comes up that makes the other person anxious and suspicious, ask them about it and answer as calmly and thoroughly as you can without making any accusations or escalating the situation.
  • Complement Each Other – Complimenting each other to rebuild trust only works if you really mean it. The trick is to look for things you really do appreciate or that mean a lot to you about the other person and to let them know that you value them as often as possible. This will help you both associate the other person with shared positive moments, and to have concrete reminders of their (and your) incentives to be committed and trustworthy.
  • Be Patient – Think of rebuilding trust as rebuilding a house that you will both have to live in. Trying to rush things more or less means you end up living in a foundationless, clumsily-built house that has no strength to withstand either disasters or the test of time. Building up positivity and closeness will take patience, and even when the house is built it may still require maintenance from time to time, but the more care you take with the rebuilding of trust in your marriage, the more safe and secure you both will feel within it.

Mistrust and anxiety happen to everyone once in a while, while meeting and marrying someone you truly care about is much rarer. Following the above tips will help you make your marriage outlast your temporary unhappiness, calm your anxiety, and perhaps even make it stronger than it was before.

About the Author: Ryan Rivera has seen the struggle that people go through when they’re feeling anxious about their relationship. He writes about overcoming that anxiety at http://www.calmclinic.com.

As 96 year old Fred Stobaugh talks about his wife of 75 years, Lorraine it’s hard for him to hold back tears.  After his wife died, he entered a song-writing contest with an entry about his late wife, and the touching song was so well received that it was professionally recorded.  The song ‘Oh Sweet Lorraine’ went viral on the internet and, within days, it sky rocketed to #12 on the iTunes store.

Visit the link below to hear the short story and the amazing song Oh Sweet Lorraine by Fred Stobaugh.

A Letter From Fred from Green Shoe Studio on Vimeo.

Oh Sweet Lorraine wedded wisdom

Sometimes I think marriage is wasted on the young. The qualities that insure a happy marriage are those most of us only begin to master after going through many painful life lessons. I didn’t marry for the first time until I was 53 years old, and by that time I had been through so many rocky relationships that I was “forced” into learning how to be a better woman.

Pain was my greatest teacher. I finally stopped using it as an excuse to feel sorry for myself and began to pay attention to how it was asking me to change. The arrogance of youth kept me very self-centered and wanting relationships to go my way. For a long time I neglected to cultivate and nurture the qualities that I needed to have a healthy marriage.

Here are the five qualities I began to explore and develop within myself. I could write a book on each one, so I will touch on them only briefly. To me they are all necessary components of a healthy and happy marriage.

1. Open-mindedness

“Willing to consider new ideas; unprejudiced.” When you are used to running your own life in your own way, it can be very off-putting when you’re suddenly living with someone who has different interests and different opinions than you. You may find yourself thinking, “I can’t believe he thinks this is a good way to spend his time” or “why does he always react that way, it makes no sense.” These things are easier to tolerate before you get married; afterward you tend to take them more personally.

A major cause of conflict in couples is the belief that everyone should think and feel the same way about everything. It is difficult to accept or respect someone else’s point of view, especially when to you, it just seems wrong.

You may feel compelled to correct your partner, pointing out to them all the reasons why what they think wrong and why what you think is right. How easily can someone change your mind about something by telling you you’re wrong? This form of persuasion never works.

Open-mindedness implies not judging what is right for someone else based on what is right for you. It requires that you put the judgment of right and wrong aside and accept and appreciate a different point of view.

2. Compromise

“A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions.” If you have lived alone for a long period of time you can lose sight of what it feels like to not get your way. I lived by myself for 20 years before I got married, so you can imagine how comfortable I was making all my own decisions. With no one to answer to, I fell into a mindset that made me oblivious to how easy I had it. Even when I was in a relationship I still had the power of choice and lived on my own terms.

Whether you’ve been alone like me, or lived with a boyfriend, compromising on most decisions, if you are not used to it, can be a shock. When you’re married, virtually every decision you make affects another person. Not only do you have to come to an agreement on the big issues such as money, where you will live, or where you’ll vacation; but there are hundreds of smaller decisions that you now have to share like what time to eat or what to do Saturday night.

When you are open to compromise, you find that there are things you have to give up for the sake of the relationship, and it isn’t always easy.

If you are someone who has gotten used to always being in control, it is important to prepare for “not getting your way.” First, be honest with yourself and admit that you like to do things your way. Then begin to practice compromise in your life with your friends and family. You might even find that it is a big relief not always being in charge and actually let other people share the responsibility. It may be hard at first but there is a lot you can gain by letting someone else take the lead.

3. Patience

“The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” This is a big one! It requires not only patience towards your partner but patience towards yourself as well.

One of the biggest destroyers of marriages is anger, primarily when it is misused and misdirected. When you form an intimate bond with someone they can become a lightening rod for your anger and frustration just because they are there and accessible. It is easy to project your bad feelings onto them and start blaming and criticizing. It takes a lot of self-awareness to catch yourself when you behave this way.

The quality of patience allows you to create more peace in your life and therefore a more peaceful marriage. It helps you navigate problems and upsets with a clear head and prevents you from being an adversary to your husband.

There will be times when your husband will do things or say things that will “push your buttons” and make you want to lash out at him. But if you can cultivate patience, you will find it easier to take a breath and chose to react with love and kindness.

4. Forgiveness

“To stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.” Forgiveness, like patience, involves defusing and replacing anger and blame with acceptance and love. Anger has many expressions but will show up most of the time in the form of resentment and grudges. If these are not acknowledged and forgiven they will fester and grow. Like a toothache, ignoring them will not make them go away and they will begin to truly poison your marriage.

Forgiveness does not condone bad behavior but it allows two people to remember that they are both flawed, and both deserving of being forgiven.

5. Generosity

“Showing a readiness to give more of something, as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected.” If you marry the right person, your husband will value your happiness as much as his own and that is a great gift. As human beings we need to be taught early how to share with others and how to unselfishly put someone else’s interests above our own.

If you did not learn the lesson of being generous to others as a child, you can still cultivate it now. It requires being conscious of other people’s needs and giving your time and energy when appropriate.

We all want to feel we are special, that we are worth some extra effort and care. If you look back, the people who you remember with the most fondness are the ones who really extended themselves to you.

In my early 30′s one of my friends lent me money when I was really desperate. I was laid off from my job the day before I was set to go on an expensive two-week vacation. It was a stretch financially for her, but she took the risk of giving me the money not knowing whether or not I would be able to pay her back. But I did, and since then she has always had a special place in my heart.

The example she showed me of generosity without any benefit to herself left a deep impression on me. Cultivating a generous spirit brings a sense of safety and comfort to a marriage. It allows both people to go beyond themselves and create a union that is supportive and strong.

If you can master all of these qualities early in your life, you will be way ahead of the marriage game. But if you are like me, it may take the benefit of age to cultivate them, to finally become the woman who can have the marriage of her dreams.

Virginia-Feingold-Clark_WWarticleVirginia is an award-winning relationship coach who works with women in troubled relationships as well as with single women who are looking for their Mr. Right. She helps women find true love throughout the United States as well as internationally.

You can visit her website for hundreds of articles, tips and advice:

http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Virginia_Feingold_Clark

Just before a young bride was scheduled to walk down the aisle for her wedding, her mother-in-law requested that she come with her. Nervously, the bride asked why and the reason was this: her loving groom wanted to meet with her one final time before the marriage ceremony. The bride sat down around the corner from her fiance so that he couldn’t see her. When she did, he told her that he wanted to pray with her before their wedding.

Read the rest of this inspiring story

The National Foundation for Credit Counseling has put out some key recommendations for couples who are planning to get married in the very near future. It would be wise to discuss the following BEFORE you get married, so that there are less surprises after the fact. Set aside time in your busy schedule to discuss these items openly and honestly with your loved one.

  • How much debt do you have? Debt includes credit cards, student loans, mortgages, car loans, etc.
  • What is your credit score? It will benefit you both to know who is in better financial shape…and who isn’t.
  • What is your philosophy on saving?
  • Will each of you have your own money to spend?
  • What will you do when (not if) a relative or friend asks for a loan?

“Forearmed is forewarned,” my Dad used to say quite frequently. That’s never been more true than with couples looking to tie the knot.

Troubled marriage? Restore the Love

Remember?

by Don Sizemore

What if you could save 73% of the troubled marriages that come through your door?

Marriage is precious. It is the building block of society. If you save a marriage, you save a family and if you save a family maybe you save a culture. This is not hyperbole, it is documented research findings. Every social science study on the affect of marriage for adults and children demonstrates its dramatic impact on health, wealth, and well being. It is virtually indisputable that a good and lasting marriage is the best investment anyone can make, irrespective that we are hard wired to connect and multiply. Married people live longer, are more likely to avoid significant health issues and they build more wealth, and their children are more likely to make life work for them.

We have the means to restore struggling marriages, and not only restore but form lasting emotional bonds that make us safe, secure, and happy. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a primary tool of restoration as the most researched and documented effective couples therapy. A meta-analysis of several studies found that 73% of couples treated with EFT recovered from their distress and 86% made significant improvement in their relationship. These are outstanding results for any type of counseling, much less with distressed couples who wonder if they are sleeping in the same bed with their enemy.

About five years ago, I became interested in EFT. In the past two years I have entered into a training program developed by the founder of EFT (Dr. Sue Johnson). I have been a licensed therapist for over thirty years and this certification process is the most comprehensive, demanding and effective post graduate study training I have ever experienced. This is not attend a seminar, fill out a survey and get your certificate. Dr. Johnson and her organization (ICEEFT) have “protected their brand”. You have confidence in your competency to practice EFT when you complete the certification process.

That is why I am writing you. Seven out of every ten couples you refer will find their way back to each other. Almost nine out of ten will see significant improvement. I invested the time and money to be trained in EFT because marriage is too important, especially today, not to provide the best chance possible for saving a marriage, a family, and maybe a culture.

Introduce your organization to EFT through a “Hold Me Tight” seminar.

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Is there a couple you know in crisis? A Three Day Intensive may be what is needed.

Attention all happily married couples. Please comment and share your number one marriage advice for a young couple that is about to getting married.  What advice would you pass on to them? By sharing with each other we can all learn what makes for a solid union.

Thank you in advance!

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