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“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

… Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next

 

day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep v

ery fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not ca

re so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to

 

disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding

Marriage Older married couple flowers

mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

— Author Unknown

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Marriage Older married couple flowersCal Thomas, a popular writer and a syndicated columnist who contributes to Fox, wrote a wonderful piece that every married couple should read.  In his article, which was published on the eve of Valentine’s Day, Thomas wrote:

We met in the musical theater. She was in it. I wanted to be on stage. I have a passable singing voice. Her contralto voice was powerful and perfectly pitched. She could hit the back seats without amplification. She traveled with some of Broadway’s biggest stars on the summer stock circuit, but ultimately chose another life — a life with me and our four children. When they were older I urged her to finish her college education while I kept house. I was glad to do so after all the sacrifices she made for me. She earned a master’s degree and became an excellent family counselor.

When I was in the Army at the start of our marriage, assigned to Armed Forces Radio in New York and holding a second civilian job to make ends meet, she would get up at 1 a.m. when I got home and fix me something to eat.

Read the full story

A Prayer for the Family

Most Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary, I consecrate myself and my whole family to you. We consecrate to you our very being and all our life; all that we are, all that we have, and all that we love. To you we give our bodies, our hearts, and our souls. To you we dedicate our home and our country.

Mindful of this consecration, we now promise you to live the Christian way by the practice of Christian virtues, without regard for human respect. O most Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary, accept our humble confidence and this act of consecration by which we entrust ourselves and all our family to you. In you, we put all our hope, and we shall never be confounded.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

Immaculate Heart of Mary, be our salvation.

Amen.

This daily prayer is for all married couples.  

One suggestion: Husband and wife may hold each other’s hands while reciting this prayer.

O God, we want to live our life together with you and always to continue it with you. Help us never to hurt and never to grieve each other. Help us to share all our works, all our hopes, all our dreams, all our successes, all our failures, all our joys and all our sorrows. Help us to have no secrets from each other so that we may be truly one. Keep us always true to each other, and grant that all the years ahead may draw us ever closer to each other.

Grant that nothing may ever come between us and nothing may ever make us ever drift apart. And as we live with each other, help us to live with you, so that our love may grow perfect in your love, for you are the God whose name is love. This, we ask, for your love’s sake.

Amen

Source: Lordcalls.com

2nd part of a series

by Jamie Alan

Part II of “Ten Tactics & Strategies to Help Save Your Marriage”

6. Getting Active. Start something new for yourself. Get motivated and get moving on something that you have been putting off or always wanted to do but just never had the time. The more you work on other parts of your life the more complete you will be. You must become the person you once were when you first got married and to do that is by just being you. Doing an activity that is productive and that has been in your mind will facilitate this process entirely. Plus the energy that surrounds you from your achievements will be positive and will reflect onto others in example your partner.

I cannot stress this enough. Sometimes marriage can seem a bit consuming when there is trouble and this makes it impossible to view objectively. Passion is the enemy of precision and will deter you from seeing any solution that may present itself. By concentrating on something other than your marriage you can distance yourself from it and see things a lot more clearly.

This will also build up your confidence in yourself as well as give you more energy by raising your natural serotonin levels. All this will make you more appealing, attractive, desirable as a person. So you will in no way be wasting your time. Your marriage is worth the work and consequently so are you!

7. Project a Positive Self Image. Even if you feel like you are dying on the inside, do not let it show.At least not to your spouse. The more you act happy, the better the chance you will end up happy. At first this will seem like a completely fake and stupid thing to do but it will help you in your marriage crises in ways you cannot see at the moment. Studies indicate that the more positive energy that you project outward the more positive energy tends to return back to you in relationships.

This is a lot like ’emotional hot potato,’ or the ‘domino effect’. An example: The fathers boss screams at him and in turn he goes home and yells at his wife. She(the mother) in turn scolds her son harshly for leaving out the milk and he then, the son torments his little sister who then smacks the dog for… You get the point. It can be just like that only in reverse. Positive images create positive attitudes. The more uplifting you can be the better off the situation can tumble upwards.

One important thing to keep in mind is to use common sense in applying this. If you are truly angry or upset over something do not repress it, nor let it all out at once. This is just a suggestive guideline to save your marriage and not something solid or complete. There are times when it would be inappropriate for you to deny yourself of your true feelings. Not to mention unhealthy.

The best thing for this is to have someone to talk to. Someone you can trust, & let out your frustrations and complaints to. It does not always need to be a therapist in order to be therapeutic. It can be your mother, father, friend or whoever. Just make it a point to identify with your feelings and not to bottle them up. Which can make things much worse.

8. Learn Some New Ways To Approach Your Concerns. Obviously the ways you address your problems are currently not working all that well. Find new creative ways that will work, like using *I* statements when your asking for changes. When your spouse does something that your not happy with address it right away before it builds up and gets out of hand.

Think about it first and then with calm and collective premeditation help them understand the reason behind your requests in place of pointing a judgmental finger.Try them out on others,(that do not mean as much) first, before adding pressure to your already stressed marriage relationship.

9. Do Not Apologize Anymore. This one is another common sense suggestion. What I am talking about is when you make the one you love feel uncomfortable in front of others or something similar. Just say that next time you will definitely know better.

If you get into the habit of constantly apologizing for things it can get annoying, plus subconsciously this makes for admittance to wrong doing. If you apologize you are making plain that you are at fault and that something is wrong. Never apologize, instead suggest a solution out loud and remark that it was unintentional.

10. Empower Yourself To Your Situation. Knowledge is the key to power. Get the best information you can find on helping you save your marriage.This advice is critical and must be from outside of your circle of friends. Just make sure it is up to date and from a dedicated professional.

Unfortunately, the best advice is not something you will find for free; otherwise it is not “THE BEST”. The best advice works and it sells for exactly that reason. A professional or expert, went to school and was trained in what provides the best solutions possible to save your marriage. Otherwise, the information would not be worth selling. Chances are if the information is selling well, then the information also works well too.

The good thing here, is that it does not have to cost an arm and a leg and it will certainly be much cheaper and easier than divorce. Marriage help is best begun from the bottom up. Start with an e-book, to find out if your marriage needs the more intensive treatment and more expensive “Marriage Counseling”. It will be worth it in the long run because your marriage situation will improve and you will learn more of what you can do about any future marriage problems.

Saving your marriage is a learning process. This will come from finding out about what other marriages going through and what has worked for them.The right Information is the key to empowering yourself and giving you the confidence and reassurance that you are doing what is right.

There is so much more to learn for your specific marriage situation. Certain anecdotes that others apply may very well be all that you need to change things around and progress back into a happy marriage. Getting the marriage that you deserve is something you have to decide and want by taking action. Things will only continue to get more entangled the longer you put it off.

Note:

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jamie_Alan

Marriage couple older togetherBlogger, lead pastor and writer Kevin Thompson penned an excellent piece on the one trait he believes is the most important one you need to look for in prospective partner for life.  Thompson explains that the vow “in sickness and in health” is more than just a saying.  It involves the one characteristic that is a “must have,” or a “deal-breaker” in the person you are considering marrying.

When the going gets rough, is this the person you want to suffer with?  Can you work together through the pain?  If the answer is “No,” you have a serious problem.

Read more of Thompson’s advice here.

Marriage_couple_older_back_beach_513x341Valerie and Walter Scott just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary, and they shared with The Daily Echo newspaper their reasons why their marriage has been so successful.

“My advice would be that you have to let each other have some space and some time to yourselves sometimes,” explained Valerie. She also expressed that she couldn’t believe that they had made it 6 decades together.

Her loving husband added, “We share everything together and we work well together. So I would say that you can only be in love if you are going to get married. You cannot do it for any other reason such as finance or convenience, only for love.”

The couple met at the young ages of 15 and 20 when he was a student and she was working at the Leicester Colleges of Technology and Art.   The full story can be found here.

Blogger Matt Walsh has hit a home-run with a recent article of his, addressing how porn habits can affect the success of a marriage.  Walsh begins by saying:

I know a guy who cheats on his wife. He cheats on her every day. He cheats on her multiple times a day. He’s a husband and a father and a serial adulterer.

I shouldn’t know this fact about him, but it came up in conversation a few days ago. We were talking about the divorce rate; both of us gave our theories as to why the statistics are so high. I mentioned in my diagnosis a few studies that show pornography to be a root cause in over 50 percent of divorces annually.

He laughed. “People don’t get divorced over porn.” He went on to explain that porn isn’t a “big deal” to most people. It’s not “like it’s cheating or something.” He told me that he looks at it multiple times daily. His wife, he insisted, might be a little peeved if she knew the extent of it, but only because women overreact about “that kind of thing.”

What kind of thing? Their husbands spending all day obsessively plunging through the darkest regions of the internet for graphic sexual images of rape, abuse, perversion, exploitation and other forms of filthy depravity previously unknown to mankind?

Yeah. That kind of thing.

Men, are you interested in fixing this serious problem?  Read the rest of Matt’s fantastic article.

Eighth Rising published an excellent article recently, listing 10 tips specifically for the wives in the marriage.  Written by a woman who has been through divorce and learned a thing or two (or ten), Karen gives her wedded wisdom advice from a female perspective.

1. Respect your husband.  – Notice how it does not say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife.  The trap that we have all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.

2. Guard your heart.  – The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you have been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough.  There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.

3. God, husband, kids…in that order.  – I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so… READ THE REST OF KAREN’S ARTICLE

by Ryan Rivera

Marriage Older married couple flowersA successful marriage is made from more than just wedding rings and legal documents—it mainly consists of that immaterial and priceless element known as trust. However, trust can waver, and even be broken, at which point high amounts of anxiety about both your legal and emotional bonds come into play.

The following tips will help you learn to reintroduce trust, and consequently, success to your marriage.

 

 

  • Keep to Your Word – Make a point of making promises you can keep, and, most importantly, actually keeping them. Take to writing yourself reminder notes or setting alarms to ensure that you are consistently honest and on-track. However, don’t police each other, or allow the other person to police you—ask them politely to allow you to prove yourself, instead. The more often you show the other person that you are keeping to your word as entirely as possible, the more confident they will become in your trustworthiness and in the strength of the marriage as a whole.
  • Be Direct – Don’t harbor mistrust if you are really bothered by something the other person has done or is doing. Keeping your mistrust a secret for fear of hurting the marriage further or resorting to spying on or resenting the other person can be highly damaging to trust that needs to be rebuilt. Instead, begin with sincerely explaining why you are feeling mistrust, and discuss with them ways in which you can reassure each other without encroaching on one another’s personal freedom.
  • Address Mistrust Calmly – If trust has been lost, any further instances of mistrust must be handled extremely gently. It doesn’t matter if apologies have been made and promises sworn. If something comes up that makes the other person anxious and suspicious, ask them about it and answer as calmly and thoroughly as you can without making any accusations or escalating the situation.
  • Complement Each Other – Complimenting each other to rebuild trust only works if you really mean it. The trick is to look for things you really do appreciate or that mean a lot to you about the other person and to let them know that you value them as often as possible. This will help you both associate the other person with shared positive moments, and to have concrete reminders of their (and your) incentives to be committed and trustworthy.
  • Be Patient – Think of rebuilding trust as rebuilding a house that you will both have to live in. Trying to rush things more or less means you end up living in a foundationless, clumsily-built house that has no strength to withstand either disasters or the test of time. Building up positivity and closeness will take patience, and even when the house is built it may still require maintenance from time to time, but the more care you take with the rebuilding of trust in your marriage, the more safe and secure you both will feel within it.

Mistrust and anxiety happen to everyone once in a while, while meeting and marrying someone you truly care about is much rarer. Following the above tips will help you make your marriage outlast your temporary unhappiness, calm your anxiety, and perhaps even make it stronger than it was before.

About the Author: Ryan Rivera has seen the struggle that people go through when they’re feeling anxious about their relationship. He writes about overcoming that anxiety at http://www.calmclinic.com.

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