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Avoid Divorce and Find Happiness within the Marriage Again

by James Hess

You are searching for some different methods you can use to restore the affection, intimacy, and joy of your marriage again. You want to get back the happiness that seemed to surround the two of you when you began this journey together. You are saying to yourself, “I need to save my marriage.”

When you got married to your spouse two separate and somewhat different personalities, upbringings, and possibly different cultures were united. All marriage relationships go through incidences of conflict and disagreement because of the previously mentioned personal differences that are parts of your marriage.

If the marriage relationship becomes a perpetual-cycle of conflict and dysfunction, then the strain of the marriage problems stemming from bitterness may prove to be too overwhelming. The painful and harmful feelings stemming from the bitterness of the relationship may become too intolerable. You need some serious changes in your marriage to keep both of you from getting separated. Don’t let the marriage fade or worse yet become a divorce-war. A divorce often negatively affects the personal and social lives of both partners.

Available to you right now are five different ways to solve your marriage problems such as: misunderstandings, breakdowns in communication, lack of fulfillment, and loss of hope for the restoration of happiness and joy in your married life. There are marriage restoration steps that both of you can follow to solve these types of problems and save your marriage. If you ignore the marriage problems they will continue to spiral out of control.

Step 1: Agree that there are Major Problems in your Marriage

The first step to solve your marriage issues is to honestly admit and agree that the problems do exist. It will take communication and a decision to cooperate together fully in order to make any of these steps viable in your relationship. If your spouse is not interested in trying to save the marriage, then in order to influence your spouse in a positive way you could start using these methods. You will at least be able to improve your internal personal life, and you may be able to save your marriage all by yourself.

Step 2: Determine the Marriage Problems Alone

Separately, start this part of the process of determining both of your marriage problems and solutions. The next step will be worked on together, but this stage should be done on your own. Both of you should sit down separately, and write out your own list of the marriage problems from each of your own personal perspectives. Each of you putting in your own individual effort will prove to each other that both of you are serious about doing each of your parts to save the marriage. When engaging in this activity each of you should try to use the following as guidelines:

Gather facts about the marriage problems that you perceive

Make assumptions (based on making a true effort to learn about your spouse’s background, experiences, personality, and the marriage problem facts that you had gathered)

Come up with your own individual solutions to your assumptions

Step 3: Have Meetings to Determine the Marriage Problems and Solutions Together

The next step to help save your marriage in crisis from divorce is to sit down cordially together with the aim of determining the marriage problems both of you agree need to be worked on together. Come together to open-up and share your individual solutions using respectful two-way communication that allows each spouse’s individual solution to a particular marriage problem to be fully listened to and considered. If your communication together is not clear and/or forthcoming, then look out for subtle hints each of you will leave.

Use a peaceful, back-and-forth communication style

Next, determine together which of your individual problems have caused the marriage to suffer, such as life decision differences, lack of intimacy, abuse, work and home stress, and/or unfaithfulness

When describing a grievance, always use statements that describe how you felt instead of blaming your spouse for what transpired

If the conversation turns into an argument, then agree to take a break apart from each other until both of you are calmed down and ready to continue peacefully

Brainstorm and write down all of the most important marriage problems you both are feeling and sharing

Allow the conversation on how to solve the agreed upon problems to become a fusion of better ideas built upon each idea both of you share. Continue to do this until you both agree on the solutions you will take as marriage saving goals

Follow through on accomplishing those goals together, and hold each other respectfully accountable for each doing his or her own part

Step 4: Get Sound Advice

It is important to seek sound advice from close friends and family who truly care about you and know the two of you best. Expert books and counseling can give you options, suggestions, and help both of you in the process of coming to terms together. It can help each of you understand how to make the relationship work from both of your perspectives. Always evaluate any advice you get to see if it will work well for you and your spouse. Following one “bad apple” suggestion could spoil your marriage saving efforts, so be careful!

Step 5: Rekindle the Marriage

The perfect way to “lock-in” your efforts to save your marriage with your spouse is through reigniting your love for each other. The special, secret ingredients of marriage romance are surprises and assertive pursuit of each other and upfront honesty shared with each other. All of these aspects of romance that help build intimacy can be put into effect on a hot, candlelit date, playful displays of affection, and/or weekend getaways.

Honestly opening up to each other while you focus on “romancing-up” and saving your marriage is one of the best ways to rekindle a close marriage relationship together. Passionately getting to know each other all over again as the people you have now become will help seal the relationship building efforts you and your spouse are making together.

Conclusion

If you give each other plenty of time to follow all five marriage relationship restoring methods, then sooner or later both of you should be able to truly open-up and share your feelings. This process of restoring passion, purpose, and emotional connection should make your relationship strong with natural attraction. Work with determination to follow the five marriage saving methods by both of you accepting that the marriage needs to be fixed; determining the marriage problems together, getting sound advice, and romantically pursuing each other. Working together to accomplish these five methods should help both of you re-establish passion for each other.

If both of you face many obstacles along the way when you are trying to fix the relationship, then you can take a break from your marriage saving responsibilities to take a breather. However, no matter how difficult it may become to communicate with each other or to deal with outside pressures do not allow those thing to keep you from getting back together to work on the marriage. Also, do not allow them to distract both of you from achieving your goals. If you think that re-ordering these steps would work best for saving your marriage, then accomplish these steps in whichever order both of you decide to take. You can have many options in your marriage saving efforts. If both of you decide that surrendering the marriage is not an option, then you will come out the other side happier for all the effort.

— James Hess is a marriage restoration and relationship improvement writer. Visit James and his wife’s site at http://www.keepmarriagealive.com. The couple is dedicated to helping as many marriages as possible to be made stronger by helping married couples discover marriage saving cures, passion building tips and advice.”

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Eighth Rising published an excellent article recently, listing 10 tips specifically for the wives in the marriage.  Written by a woman who has been through divorce and learned a thing or two (or ten), Karen gives her wedded wisdom advice from a female perspective.

1. Respect your husband.  – Notice how it does not say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife.  The trap that we have all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.

2. Guard your heart.  – The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you have been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough.  There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.

3. God, husband, kids…in that order.  – I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so… READ THE REST OF KAREN’S ARTICLE

by Ryan Rivera

Marriage Older married couple flowersA successful marriage is made from more than just wedding rings and legal documents—it mainly consists of that immaterial and priceless element known as trust. However, trust can waver, and even be broken, at which point high amounts of anxiety about both your legal and emotional bonds come into play.

The following tips will help you learn to reintroduce trust, and consequently, success to your marriage.

 

 

  • Keep to Your Word – Make a point of making promises you can keep, and, most importantly, actually keeping them. Take to writing yourself reminder notes or setting alarms to ensure that you are consistently honest and on-track. However, don’t police each other, or allow the other person to police you—ask them politely to allow you to prove yourself, instead. The more often you show the other person that you are keeping to your word as entirely as possible, the more confident they will become in your trustworthiness and in the strength of the marriage as a whole.
  • Be Direct – Don’t harbor mistrust if you are really bothered by something the other person has done or is doing. Keeping your mistrust a secret for fear of hurting the marriage further or resorting to spying on or resenting the other person can be highly damaging to trust that needs to be rebuilt. Instead, begin with sincerely explaining why you are feeling mistrust, and discuss with them ways in which you can reassure each other without encroaching on one another’s personal freedom.
  • Address Mistrust Calmly – If trust has been lost, any further instances of mistrust must be handled extremely gently. It doesn’t matter if apologies have been made and promises sworn. If something comes up that makes the other person anxious and suspicious, ask them about it and answer as calmly and thoroughly as you can without making any accusations or escalating the situation.
  • Complement Each Other – Complimenting each other to rebuild trust only works if you really mean it. The trick is to look for things you really do appreciate or that mean a lot to you about the other person and to let them know that you value them as often as possible. This will help you both associate the other person with shared positive moments, and to have concrete reminders of their (and your) incentives to be committed and trustworthy.
  • Be Patient – Think of rebuilding trust as rebuilding a house that you will both have to live in. Trying to rush things more or less means you end up living in a foundationless, clumsily-built house that has no strength to withstand either disasters or the test of time. Building up positivity and closeness will take patience, and even when the house is built it may still require maintenance from time to time, but the more care you take with the rebuilding of trust in your marriage, the more safe and secure you both will feel within it.

Mistrust and anxiety happen to everyone once in a while, while meeting and marrying someone you truly care about is much rarer. Following the above tips will help you make your marriage outlast your temporary unhappiness, calm your anxiety, and perhaps even make it stronger than it was before.

About the Author: Ryan Rivera has seen the struggle that people go through when they’re feeling anxious about their relationship. He writes about overcoming that anxiety at http://www.calmclinic.com.

Troubled marriage? Restore the Love

Remember?

by Don Sizemore

What if you could save 73% of the troubled marriages that come through your door?

Marriage is precious. It is the building block of society. If you save a marriage, you save a family and if you save a family maybe you save a culture. This is not hyperbole, it is documented research findings. Every social science study on the affect of marriage for adults and children demonstrates its dramatic impact on health, wealth, and well being. It is virtually indisputable that a good and lasting marriage is the best investment anyone can make, irrespective that we are hard wired to connect and multiply. Married people live longer, are more likely to avoid significant health issues and they build more wealth, and their children are more likely to make life work for them.

We have the means to restore struggling marriages, and not only restore but form lasting emotional bonds that make us safe, secure, and happy. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a primary tool of restoration as the most researched and documented effective couples therapy. A meta-analysis of several studies found that 73% of couples treated with EFT recovered from their distress and 86% made significant improvement in their relationship. These are outstanding results for any type of counseling, much less with distressed couples who wonder if they are sleeping in the same bed with their enemy.

About five years ago, I became interested in EFT. In the past two years I have entered into a training program developed by the founder of EFT (Dr. Sue Johnson). I have been a licensed therapist for over thirty years and this certification process is the most comprehensive, demanding and effective post graduate study training I have ever experienced. This is not attend a seminar, fill out a survey and get your certificate. Dr. Johnson and her organization (ICEEFT) have “protected their brand”. You have confidence in your competency to practice EFT when you complete the certification process.

That is why I am writing you. Seven out of every ten couples you refer will find their way back to each other. Almost nine out of ten will see significant improvement. I invested the time and money to be trained in EFT because marriage is too important, especially today, not to provide the best chance possible for saving a marriage, a family, and maybe a culture.

Introduce your organization to EFT through a “Hold Me Tight” seminar.

Schedule an Office Visit

Is there a couple you know in crisis? A Three Day Intensive may be what is needed.

Don Sizemore, a counselor for Crossroads Christian Church, hosts a blog that is excellent reading for married couples of any duration.

Here is a snippet from a May blog posting:

My wife Carolyn and I try to get away to be with each other every three months or so. These “getaways” often coincide with a birthday or anniversary but not always. We usually arrive around noon and leave the next afternoon. We always hope to arrive sooner but necessities and demands prevent that. This does not sound like much time away and we would prefer longer but we always seem to leave feeling refreshed, renewed, and reconnected; not a bad outcome. The place we visit is…

Check it out here.

by Larry Bilotta

Let me ask you…do you know how many hours a day you SHOULD be spending on your marriage?

A happy, healthy marriage requires that time is spent WITH each other, ON each other and FOR each other. Unfortunately, most couples forget this and focus on other things they consider (at the time) to be a “priority”.

So just what are some of the demands are married couples faced with?

o Planning and attending the children’s events

o Fussing over wedding, shower, christening, birthday and anniversary gifts for loved ones

o Taking care of pets and day-to-day household chores

o Maintaining the home and vehicles

o Attending and preparing for church related events and gatherings

o Spending time with extended family and friends

Add to this the fact that some couples are faced with serious “road blocks” that put a great deal of pressure on their marriage such as:

o Dealing with a serious illness in the family

o Elderly parent moving into the house

o An affair

o A serious accident

o Financial struggles such as bankruptcy or maxed out credit cards

o Loss of a child or loved one

o And the list goes on…

In order to put each spouse’s time into perspective, let’s take a look at what they do during a typical 168 hour week:

Activity Time Spent Time remaining in the week

Sleep: 8 hrs/day | 56 hrs/week – *112 hr remaining

Job/Travel: 9 hrs/day | 45 hrs/week – *67 hrs remaining

Eating & Prep: 2 hrs/day | 14 hrs/week – *53 hr remaining

Kids issues & events: 3 hrs/day | 21 hrs/week – *32 hr remaining

Household maintenance: 1 hrs/day | 7 hrs/week – *25 hr remaining

Phone conversations: 1.5 hrs/day | 10.5 hrs/week – *14.5 hr remaining

Friends/Social life: 1.5 hrs/day | 10.5 hrs/ week – *4 hr remaining

And where do those last 4 hours go?

According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than four hours of TV each day (28 hours per week / two months of non-stop TV-watching per year). Let’s not focus on the idea that in a 65-year lifetime, a person will have spent nine years in front of a TV!

But let’s not assume that you are the average TV watcher. In fact, if you’re reading this article, you’re probably not watching anywhere NEAR that much TV. Instead, ask yourself: Do you have enough time for a good marriage?

To answer this question, we’ll need to discover what a “good marriage” REALLY is, and then we’ll discover the actual amount of time a “good marriage” requires in terms of hours per week. I have worked for many years now teaching married couples what they WISH they had learned BEFORE they got married.

I can explain what a good marriage is based on and what men and women need to be happy in marriage. In fact, I’ll get right down to it…

A man needs sexual intimacy and respect.

A woman needs financial security and emotional security.

Period.

When I work with couples, I give them these definitions and then ask them to give me a percentage on how much they are getting these needs on a 100% to 0% scale.

Over the years, I have found that in all good marriages, they each give me a rating between the 80% to 100% range. This means that a husband’s wife builds him up, overlooks his faults, looks for what’s good about him and takes a genuine…well, let me not waste words.

I’ll explain it concisely by showing you what a Real Wife and a Real Husband does to create a happy marriage using my Real Husband and Real Wife definitions which you can download here: http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/real.pdf

In a perfect world, men and women would have these two signs posted their bathroom so they could read it on a consistent basis while they prepare for their busy day. I guarantee that any couple who even comes close to these definitions would tell you they are generally very happy in their marriage.

So how much TIME does it take to create this ideal marriage? After dealing with all the day-to-day life issues listed on the time chart you saw earlier, the remaining hours left for your marriage could EASILY be spent on watching TV.

TV is easy. It requires no thinking, no physical activity, no interaction with other people and no sacrifice on your part. You just sit down and let the cares of the day slowly drift away while you consume yourself with your favorite TV show.

The Neilson study about time use dramatizes the fact that Television is the #1 form of entertainment in the Nation. Nothing else even comes close in terms of time commitment. Americans in general are looking for the easy life that Television delivers.

It’s a fact that no relationship is as intense, demanding or as fulfilling as a marriage can be. It is the toughest, yet the most rewarding relationship you can have with another person. So WHY then do we choose to make EVERYTHING ELSE our top priority while we leave only 4 measly hours a week devote to our marriage?

Now think about this because I guarantee you haven’t before. Does anyone actually care about the health of YOUR relationship, your connection with each other and your marriage? In this society, marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs and my point is no one really cares about the goose.

Let me prove my point that your marriage is the goose and everyone wants your “golden eggs”. Your children don’t care about your marriage …..until mom and dad are in big trouble and can’t stop fighting. Both sets of your parents don’t care about YOUR marriage.

In reality they care about their own son or daughter in the marriage, not the marriage itself. Your extended family members don’t care about YOUR marriage …but they do care that you bring a gift for nephews, nieces and come to the party…but they have nothing to say about your marriage.

Friends don’t care about YOUR marriage.They are polite to you as a couple, but really care about you as individuals…the person they knew BEFORE the wedding.

Your kid’s school won’t care about your marriage. They just need to know which one of you is going to volunteer for the fund drive or show up for parent teacher night.

It’s rare for churches – synagogues to care for your marriage. For most, it’s just not on their radar. They have no preventative maintenance program for married couples to keep them from falling into disrepair.

When it comes to assets, the goose of your marriage has got the goods. Marriage makes the two of you more stable and financially successful because of your union. Together you produce the golden eggs that build a strong Nation. Marriage has been ignored in this country thought it is the most VALUABLE and BENEFICIAL of all relationships.

No one has suggested “National Marriage Day” to bring to light the fact that marriages must be cared for and nurtured. We must protect the goose that lays the golden eggs. Instead what we have is a “goose killing society” because they don’t understand marriage.

When a marriage falls apart, friends, relatives, coworkers, schools, and even religious organization don’t know what to tell you. They don’t know what to do because very few people understand what it takes to create a successful marriage and even FEWER people know why marriages fall apart.

With this background in mind, it’s easy to see how the two of you will be influenced to put your priorities where everyone says your priorities should be…ON THEM! This is the reason your time, (one of the goose’s major assets) is freely given away to everyone else and only 4 hours a week is left for the male and female halves of the goose, to take care of itself.

If no one cares about the health of your marriage and the two of you don’t care either, then where does that leave your family? Who will care enough to keep your marriage together if the two of you don’t even know how? Who in this society will strengthen your marriage if not the two of you?

The answer is NO ONE…because no one cares about the goose. And this brings me to my conclusion that… “Only a HEALTHY Goose Can Lay Golden Eggs”

Hopefully you can now see that your marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs. Together, you create secure and successful children that will shape our future and the future of our Grandchildren.

Together, you pay the taxes that run our cities, the mortgages that build new homes and create the wealth of society. It is as husband and wife that the two of you contribute to a strong society. Together, your savings and investments make this a stronger Nation…as a union, the two of you lay the golden eggs that contribute to our great Nation…and the prosperity of every human being on the planet for that matter.

So how do you take care of the goose, how to you keep your marriage strong? You must talk to each other to strengthen the goose. Talk…as in CONVERSATION, not just in passing. Talking, sharing ideas and listening to each other takes time and 4 hours a week is the absolute MINIMUM amount of time that you should spend doing this activity.

Talk openly and be sure not to criticize each other while you are talking. This will add depth to your relationship and keep your marriage strong. Probably the most well worn piece of marriage advice is to plan a “date night” on a regular basis.

You plan that date and suddenly the world of demanders comes and tries to steal even that little time from the goose. Don’t let it happen. Take a closer look at all the time restraints on your marriage that you would normally use to serve the needs of others and remember that Only a Healthy Goose Lays Golden Eggs, and improving your marriage takes time. It will not happen overnight.

You need to be in a good state of mind when the two of you face the unexpected and uninvited troubles of life that might take the form of bankruptcy, a sick child, or various kinds of addictions that could affect either of you.

If collectively, you are not a “healthy goose”, those troubles can rip the goose apart and one-million five hundred thousand divorces a year prove it. In times of trouble, you must talk to each other MORE, not less. To talk, you need to feel safe with each other. To feel safe, both of you need to really listen to each other without judgment.

If you have to vent your troubles and worries, take turns, then put it all behind you. IT ALL TAKES TIME. Give your marriage the time and the world will continue to thank you for your golden eggs.

Wondering if there’s still hope for your marriage? Discover how to save your marriage. Get FREE tips and advice to help you get your marriage back on track the RIGHT WAY at Larry Bilotta’s Marriage Saving web site http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Larry_Bilotta

By Joey Faucette

You know more today about Elliott Spitzer’s marriage than his wife did. That’s a scary thought if you’re her, and also probably for you. Do you wonder about your own marriage?

Everything seemed fine to everyone around the Spitzers, maybe like it does to everyone around you. After all, who could ask for anything more? Money, prestige, power-the Spitzers had it all, right? If that’s true, then why did their marriage “Spitz Out?” And how did it get so out of control? (Call girls?) All of which begs the question you’re asking: “How can I keep my marriage from Spitzing Out?”

Having coached thousands of couples over three decades as a Marriage Coach, some of whom have had affairs, Dr. Joey Faucette says most wives and husbands want to stay married, but just don’t know how to consistently keep their marriage vital and alive. They struggle with how to recover from relationship rips that tear at the heart of the marriage. The necessary healing never happens, their affections alienate, and they Spitz Out.

Like you, they’re just not sure how to do Marriage CPR and avoid Spitzing Out.

There are some common characteristics that successful couples live into to perform CPR on their marriage. You can learn and live these tips daily so your marriage doesn’t Spitz Out.

THE FIRST TIP: CONSERVE YOUR MARRIAGE

The heart of your marriage requires that both of you conserve your marriage just as carefully as the paramedics try to conserve your heart muscle and get it beating again when you suffer a heart attack.

How do you conserve your marriage’s heart like successful couples do?

You make your relationship with your spouse a priority, of primary importance, first place among all of the other relationships. You take care of your marriage relationship first before you do anything else, making sure that it’s beating enough to sustain the life of your marriage.

What does this look like in your everyday world?

Basically it means you don’t give all of your “best self,” your energy and attention to other relationships such as work. You Conserve your energy and attention so that when you come home at the end of the day, you have lots of your “best self” to share with your spouse.

When you give away your primary energy and attention to work or some other relationship, you replace your marriage as the priority relationship in your world. You commit emotional adultery, giving away to another without conserving enough of you to share with your spouse at the end of the day.

How do you know when you’re in an emotionally adulterous affair with work? Answer these questions honestly:

1. How many days a week do I work so intensely that I can’t carry my end of a conversation with my spouse?

2. How many weeks do I work more than 45 hours?

3. How many months have passed since I planned a special evening or get-away weekend with my spouse-just the two of us?

Your answers to these questions aren’t intended to create a paralyzing guilt, but a motivating drive to change your habits. Your choices are:

a. conserve time, energy, and attention for your spouse, or;

b. Spitz Out!

As with any form of CPR, your immediate attention increases the survival rate. Don’t delay by wondering if you’re having an emotional adulterous affair with work or someone else. If your answers create even a suspicion you might be, act now like there is no tomorrow. What can you do to conserve your marriage?

Try these immediate actions:

1. Conserve your energy and attention today. Let others own their situations and problems.

2. If you’ve worked too much this week, take off early Friday afternoon and do something fun.

3. Call your spouse right now and plan an experience for just the two of you.

The first way not to Spitz Out in your marriage and stay married is to Conserve energy and attention for your marriage, treating your spouse as if he or she is your most important relationship. The C in Marriage CPR that prevents you from Spitzing Out is to Conserve energy and attention.

THE SECOND TIP: PRESERVE YOUR MARRIAGE

Do you remember how when you were dating, your spouse took your breath away?

When you decide not to Spitz Out so you have a healthy Marriage, you Preserve certain qualities in your relationship that you found so appealing when you were dating. You breathe life from your dating days back into your marriage.

Just as CPR for the body requires restarting the heart, your marriage Conserves and the heart beats again. Next, just as CPR breathes new breath into the lungs, so you Preserve your marriage with a new breath of life.

Your daily life seems intent on knocking the breath out of your marriage at times, doesn’t it? There’s so much that hits you marked “Urgent” or “Important” whether it’s at work or at home. Fending off these blows is critical to not Spitzing Out in your marriage.

Here’s how you can fend off those blows that knock the breath of your marriage and breathe life back into your relationship by Preserving your marriage:

1. If you sent your then-girlfriend-now-wife flowers at work on the monthly anniversary of your first date and she loved it, send her flowers at work on the monthly anniversary of your wedding or first date for a few months. I promise-she hasn’t forgotten what you did while you were dating!

2. If you played golf with your then-boyfriend-now-husband at least one weekend a month while dating, do it again. If it’s been awhile since you two played together, be prepared to call 9-1-1, but he’ll recover. He hasn’t forgotten what you did for him while dating!

Couples far too often relax after saying “I do,” almost as if they say, “I’m done.” They date each other hard, then put up the relationship as if they were finished trying. Breathe back into your marriage relationship those dating qualities that you remember and cherish. Get them out of your head as memories and into your everyday world as marriage savers.

The second way to not Spitz Out in your marriage and do CPR on your marriage is to Preserve your dating qualities in your relationship. Successful couples discover it prevents you from smiling and dialing call girls. The P in Marriage CPR that prevents you from Spitzing Out is to Preserve great qualities.

THE THIRD TIP: RESERVE YOUR MARRIAGE

Once you Conserve the heart of your marriage by making it the most important relationship you’re in, and once you Preserve the breath of your marriage by breathing those dating qualities back into your marriage, then you are ready to Resuscitate your marriage. You Reserve time to live a great married life.

The time vampires constantly fly around your home, just waiting for a chance to suck the minutes out of your marriage. And the choices aren’t always between “good” and “bad” things, but often it’s between “good, better, and best.”

When you do CPR on your marriage, you Reserve time for what’s best for your relationship with your spouse. Now the obvious times to reserve are anniversaries and birthdays. Successful couples that don’t Spitz Out do more than the obvious. Be creative. Here are four ideas you can implement almost immediately.

1. Celebrate the anniversary of your first date. Talk about what you remember of it. If you have children at home, tell them the story of your first date-at least the parts you want them to know about right now.

2. Reserve time for each other at least three evenings a week to talk. Your conversation doesn’t have to be “heavy” navel-gazing. It can be about who you saw or spoke to today that you haven’t seen in a while or what you ate for lunch that was delicious. Just communicate.

3. Reserve time and plan a date night weekly.

4. Reserve time to celebrate spontaneously by planning “Just Because” experiences. Every couple of months or so, have a “Happy Tuesday” celebration for no reason other than it’s a Tuesday.

Time is a non-renewable resource. Once you spend it, that minute is gone. There is no second chance to recycle. Invest your greatest asset-time-in your marriage relationship.

The third way to avoid a Spitz Out in your marriage and stay married is to Reserve time for your relationship with your spouse. Successful couples find it keeps your intimacy delightfully intense at home. The R in Marriage CPR that prevents you from Spitzing Out is to Reserve time.

START YOUR MARRIAGE CPR TODAY!

Don’t Spitz Out. Do CPR on your marriage:

1. Conserve the heart of your energy and attention for your spouse,

2. Preserve your dating qualities and breathe those into your marriage, and;

3. Resuscitate your Marriage by Reserving time to for each other,

and live hapily ever after!

Marriage Coach Dr. Joey Faucette has helped thousands of couples over the last three decades to avoid the emotional and financial devastation of divorce and discover the satisfaction and stimulation of Staying Married Forever. You go to the C.O.R.E. of your marriage when you live into the joy of Conflict resolution, the strength of how Opposites attract, the understanding of your Relevant issues, and the pleasure that comes with knowing how to Express yourself.

Go deep into the C.O.R.E. of your marriage with Dr. Joey Faucette through Couple Coaching, the Ultimate At-Home Study Course, teleseminars, and other effective Stay Married Forever resources. Go to http://www.StayMarriedForever.org

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1046498

There are tons of articles written on business plans, marketing strategies, taxing planning, car maintenance and so on. But is the same type of analysis ever recommended for the most important job in your life, that of being a spouse? Your marriage may be very good, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t review your current situation to determine areas of improvement. Maybe there is a particular pet peeve that annoys your spouse. Have you done anything to address this “flaw” in your personality? Or has the attitude been: he or she can deal with it.

Take a step back and look at your marriage over the past year. Is your marriage flourishing? Which is doing better – your marriage or your business? Which do you spend more time on?

Are you spending more hours at the office and less at home? Are you spending more hours glued to some “electronic leash” and having less social interaction with your family?

Issues can crop up slowly over the course of time and don’t reveal themselves until the problem is serious. Perform some preventive medicine with your marriage. Look at your marriage over the past six months. A year. Pick out any areas of improvement. Discuss them with your spouse, if necessary.

Bottom line: don’t let your marriage ride on auto pilot. Maybe the next time you take your car in for an oil change, you can also spend a few minutes reviewing your relationship.

@WeddedWisdom

by D. P. Haynes

Married and feeling desperate, disappointed, discouraged and unhappy is not what most couples signed up for when they said “I do.” Married and dealing with infidelity, loneliness, low self-esteem, lack of communication, disrespect and unhappiness is definitely not what was expected with your marriage commitment. Well, statistics show that over 50% of the marriages today end up in divorce. I can give you 2 reasons (in my humble opinion) why there is unhappiness in most of the marriages that end up in divorce. Selfishness and lack of love!

In a broad sense there are some common problems in a marriage that take the marriage from a blissful relationship to that unhappy marriage stage such as;

  • Abuse (Physical and Emotional)
  • Communication
  • Fighting
  • Commitment by one or both spouses
  • Infidelity
  • Money
  • Intimacy
  • Jealousy

 All of the above issues can lead to an unhappy marriage. If you have been married for a little while (it doesn’t take long) you probably stumbled upon one of these issues. You may not have become unhappy with your marriage but a brief flash of “oh no what did I get myself into” probably popped into your head. If you haven’t hit one of these marriage hurdles yet, trust me you will.

Let’s deal with the selfishness that ignites a lot of the fires in a marriage and turns them from happy to an unhappy marriage.

Here is the definition of selfish just for the record; devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

A very selfish person is very difficult to either be happy in a marriage or make a spouse happy, unless they change and become less selfish during the marriage. Marriage is a commitment between 2 people being joined together as one. It’s no longer my stuff and your stuff, or my time and your time or my money and your money. Everything is now “ours” once you get married. A very selfish person is unwilling to put their spouses’ interests, benefits, and welfare first. This can lead to an unhappy marriage.

Can an unselfish person be responsible for making the marriage unhappy? The answer of course is yes. However, I believe you have a much greater chance of having a happy marriage instead of an unhappy marriage because an unselfish person is more likely to grow together with their unselfish spouse and become like one.

To make a marriage become better and go from being an unhappy marriage to a happy marriage we need to get the selfish spouse(s) to see how putting their interests ahead of the spouse or in some cases the entire family is causing frustration, hurt, disappointment and could lead to unintended results, such as a divorce.

Now let’s tackle the love or lack of love that makes a marriage unhappy.

Here is the Webster definition of love; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Here is a better definition that I like and if it exists in a marriage there is a greater chance for happiness instead of an unhappy marriage; Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. That’s the real meaning of love according to the Bible. I don’t think you can have an unhappy marriage with this kind of love.

Does it mean that if you love your spouse with this kind of love you will never have issues to overcome in your marriage? Of course not! However, do you think you have a better shot of having a happy or unhappy marriage?

So the key to being happy or working towards fixing an unhappy marriage is less selfishness and more love. Sounds pretty simple but is very difficult to do. It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks right? WRONG!

Every person is capable of change. It’s called making a commitment to doing so and following through. If you want to stop smoking you can. If you want to stop drinking too much alcohol you can. If you want to stop gaining weight you can. If you want to be happier in your marriage you can. The only difference is sometimes it takes both spouses to be willing to change for the sake of making an unhappy marriage better.

Here are 8 basic things or tips you can work on to move from the unhappy marriage stage to the happy stage of marriage. If you and your spouse can work toward the same goal, that would be best. If not, you make a commitment to make things better and your spouse will come around eventually.

  1. Fighting fair– Don’t bring up things from the past that were supposed to be forgiven and forgotten. It’s like pouring salt on an open wound. Don’t say hurtful things about your spouse that you know will cause a lot of pain, and add to unhappiness in the marriage.
  2. Stop sweating the small stuff– Make it a point to stop getting aggravated, frustrated and disappointed over little things that really aren’t that important. Overlook the little things that you normally complain about that gets under your skin. You know what they are.
  3. Enjoy being around your spouse– Don’t disappear when your spouse comes home or when they enter the room your in. Stop acting like you enjoy life more when they are out of the house, out of town or at least not in the same room as you. Let your spouse know that you enjoy it when you are together.
  4. Don’t talk negative about your spouse to others– It’s very easy to share what’s wrong with your spouse that’s driving you crazy. Stop doing that immediately. No spouse likes to be talked about in that way. It’s not okay to make jokes about your spouse around family or friends that betrays a trust. If you don’t have anything positive to say don’t say anything.
  5. Talk to your spouse– It’s not okay to go hours or days playing the silent I’m not talking to you game. There is nothing gained by shutting down and not talking to your spouse. It’s difficult at times but the only time you should not be talking is if for some reason you are really upset and need a little time to cool off. Otherwise, keep the lines of communication open. I know not talking times gives you peace of mind. But don’t settle for a temporary time of peace when you could work on fixing your unhappy marriage problem.
  6. Act like a married couple– Don’t take separate cars to the same place unless it’s really necessary. That’s what you did before you got married. No separate vacations, or bedrooms. You need to be committed to being a couple and not married singles.
  7. Don’t take advice from the wrong people– There will be many family, friends and enemies who will offer you free advice. Be careful who you talk to and more importantly who you listen to. It’s very difficult for a spouse to be happy in a marriage knowing that you have blabbed your marriage problems to the world. You also don’t want to follow advice from someone who has been married 3 times. It’s better to limit the circle of people you discuss your marriage with and you also don’t always need to share all the details. The wrong people can’t tell you how to fix your unhappy marriage problem
  8. Support your spouse – Make sure you are there for your spouse even though you don’t want to be. If there is a family function with your in-laws don’t stay home. Be there for your spouse. The same thing goes for work or even playful functions like a sporting event. It’s important for your spouse to know that you care enough to be with them even though they know you don’t want to be around certain people. It shows that they mean more to you than your feelings about other people.

There are many ways to take your unhappy marriage and make it better. The key to Restoring Your Relationship is to work on being less selfish and being more loving. Put your spouse’s interests ahead of yours and you will be happier and so will your spouse.

Living in an unhappy marriage is difficult and hard to sustain. If you need some proven strategies and techniques to make your marriage better I would suggest taking a look here at Save My Marriage Today.

You deserve a happy marriage because that’s what you agreed to when you said “I do”. Take the steps to get what you deserve.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=D_P_Haynes

by Jean LeStourgeon

“All things were created by Him and for Him…and in Him all things hold together” (Colossians 1:16b-17a). Having a successful marriage first requires you to understand what God had in mind for marriage. After all, If you want to understand the purpose behind an invention, you consult the One who invented it, right!

Since marriage is God’s creation, He is in the saving marriages business. God created marriage for three very specific reasons, just like He created you, for very specific reasons. Our lives are more satisfying when we cooperate with God in fulfilling our purposes. Marriage is no exception…

First, you’ve probably learned that men and women were made in God’s image (Gen. 1:26-27). But, did you know that within the marriage relationship husbands and wives also bear the image of God? They do this by demonstrating love and faithfulness to each other…like God does with us. You see, God covenants with His people, husbands and wives covenant to each other and God. So marriage was created to reflect God’s faithfulness in the world.

The second reason God created marriage was to meet human needs. Needs for food, shelter and clothing as well as needs for love, acceptance, intimacy, and faithfulness. In that way marriage is a picture to the world of how God provides for His people.

Marriage is God’s conduit for love. It was designed to be a safe harbor where a man and a woman could be totally naked and unashamed. A place where they could experience the unconditional love and acceptance of God through each other.

Third, marriage is one of the ways God expands His Kingdom and accomplishes His work in the earth. He commanded men and women to go forth and multiply, be fruitful and take dominion over the earth(Genesis 1:28).
Unfortunately, it is very difficult to do as God commanded when you are at odds with your spouse. Conflict drains our emotional and creative energies. Sadly, many husbands and wives feel like they are sleeping with the enemy instead of with their comrade in arms.

Marriage was designed with unity in mind. When a husband and wife are on the same page, so to speak, they are reflecting the unity of the Godhead. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Unity is so important that Jesus told us it would be a great sign to the world testifying that He truly is the Son of God (John 17:23).

Okay, now you have the general idea God had in mind when He designed marriage, but saving marriage requires a plan.

First, you need to decide, once and for all, are you going to commit to honoring God through your marriage. Are you going to do it God’s way? Are you going to trust His word, His plan and His design? If you answered yes, let’s move on…

If you’re making a plan to improve or save your marriage you need to start out on the right foot. That means getting right with God and your spouse first! To get right requires humility. It requires taking responsibility for the negative, sinful things you have contributed to your marriage without justifying yourself or blaming your spouse.

Confession of sin can be a turning point in our lives. It means we are in agreement with God about our sin and we are choosing to turn away from it. When we do this, God’s word promises to give us the power to accomplish that. Some of the things you may want to consider confessing are: the ways in which you have not trusted and honored God, the ways you have not obeyed His word, the consequences of your choices to you, your spouse and your marriage.

Exercising humility is a crucial part of any saving marriages plan. Making confession of sin a regular part of your marriage will keep you humble and help to maintain emotional intimacy. Apologies go a long way in keeping our hearts pliable and loving towards our spouse and God.

The next step in the saving marriages blueprint is making a plan for knowing your spouse’s most important needs. You also must become intentional about meeting those needs. Your spouse will feel more connected and in love with you when you are meeting his/her most important emotional needs.

Regular prayer is necessary for a successful marriage. Pray that God would show His love and faithfulness to your spouse through you. Prayer is how we experience the personal relationship we have with God through Christ. It is also where we avail ourselves to the grace of God. Therefore, your plan for saving marriage must include daily prayer for your spouse and your ability to love them.

A marriage that reflects God’s image is a safe marriage. God is our refuge, therefore your marriage should be a refuge for both you and your spouse. A safe relationship is one where both husband and wife feel accepted even if there are disagreements. A plan for saving marriages needs to include a plan for safety. Neither spouse should ever have to worry about the proverbial nuclear bomb being dropped on them!

That’s why a plan for saving marriages must address conflict. Your marriage can be free from condemnation, contempt, critical attitudes and defensiveness. It’s your choice! It can be a place where you are quick to take responsibility for your own actions and slow to point your finger of blame. It is not, however, a marriage that is free from conflict. But, yours can be a marriage where both parties fight fair.

Finally, your saving marriages plan needs to include specific goals, goals that are written down. After all, God wrote down His plan…we call it the Bible! Isn’t that a good enough reason for you to write down your plan for your marriage. Written goals are powerful. They help move a plan into motion.

Keep in mind, your goals need to be consistent with God’s purpose for your marriage. Your goals will help you stay on track and give more purpose, meaning and direction to your marriage and family life. You may want to have goals in the following areas: Spiritual (we will study and pray together regularly), parenting (we will always be unified when disciplining the children), finances ( we will decide on a budget and stick to it), health (we will exercise regularly and eat right), communication (we will speak lovingly and respectfully to one another).

Well, that should be enough to get you started developing your own personal saving marriages plan. Remember, the Creator of marriage is in the business of saving marriages. Put your hope in the Lord for with Him is unfailing love and full redemption (Psalm 130:7).

Get valuable Marriage and wedding advice @WeddedWisdom

Jean LeStourgeon, MA, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in private practice in Palm Bay, Florida. She also operates the website Christian Counseling Online where you can find lots more information and tools on topics like marriage problems and marriage advice.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jean_LeStourgeon

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