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“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

… Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next

 

day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep v

ery fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not ca

re so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to

 

disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding

Marriage Older married couple flowers

mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

— Author Unknown

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Marriage Older married couple flowersCal Thomas, a popular writer and a syndicated columnist who contributes to Fox, wrote a wonderful piece that every married couple should read.  In his article, which was published on the eve of Valentine’s Day, Thomas wrote:

We met in the musical theater. She was in it. I wanted to be on stage. I have a passable singing voice. Her contralto voice was powerful and perfectly pitched. She could hit the back seats without amplification. She traveled with some of Broadway’s biggest stars on the summer stock circuit, but ultimately chose another life — a life with me and our four children. When they were older I urged her to finish her college education while I kept house. I was glad to do so after all the sacrifices she made for me. She earned a master’s degree and became an excellent family counselor.

When I was in the Army at the start of our marriage, assigned to Armed Forces Radio in New York and holding a second civilian job to make ends meet, she would get up at 1 a.m. when I got home and fix me something to eat.

Read the full story

A Prayer for the Family

Most Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary, I consecrate myself and my whole family to you. We consecrate to you our very being and all our life; all that we are, all that we have, and all that we love. To you we give our bodies, our hearts, and our souls. To you we dedicate our home and our country.

Mindful of this consecration, we now promise you to live the Christian way by the practice of Christian virtues, without regard for human respect. O most Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary, accept our humble confidence and this act of consecration by which we entrust ourselves and all our family to you. In you, we put all our hope, and we shall never be confounded.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

Immaculate Heart of Mary, be our salvation.

Amen.

This daily prayer is for all married couples.  

One suggestion: Husband and wife may hold each other’s hands while reciting this prayer.

O God, we want to live our life together with you and always to continue it with you. Help us never to hurt and never to grieve each other. Help us to share all our works, all our hopes, all our dreams, all our successes, all our failures, all our joys and all our sorrows. Help us to have no secrets from each other so that we may be truly one. Keep us always true to each other, and grant that all the years ahead may draw us ever closer to each other.

Grant that nothing may ever come between us and nothing may ever make us ever drift apart. And as we live with each other, help us to live with you, so that our love may grow perfect in your love, for you are the God whose name is love. This, we ask, for your love’s sake.

Amen

Source: Lordcalls.com

2nd part of a series

by Jamie Alan

Part II of “Ten Tactics & Strategies to Help Save Your Marriage”

6. Getting Active. Start something new for yourself. Get motivated and get moving on something that you have been putting off or always wanted to do but just never had the time. The more you work on other parts of your life the more complete you will be. You must become the person you once were when you first got married and to do that is by just being you. Doing an activity that is productive and that has been in your mind will facilitate this process entirely. Plus the energy that surrounds you from your achievements will be positive and will reflect onto others in example your partner.

I cannot stress this enough. Sometimes marriage can seem a bit consuming when there is trouble and this makes it impossible to view objectively. Passion is the enemy of precision and will deter you from seeing any solution that may present itself. By concentrating on something other than your marriage you can distance yourself from it and see things a lot more clearly.

This will also build up your confidence in yourself as well as give you more energy by raising your natural serotonin levels. All this will make you more appealing, attractive, desirable as a person. So you will in no way be wasting your time. Your marriage is worth the work and consequently so are you!

7. Project a Positive Self Image. Even if you feel like you are dying on the inside, do not let it show.At least not to your spouse. The more you act happy, the better the chance you will end up happy. At first this will seem like a completely fake and stupid thing to do but it will help you in your marriage crises in ways you cannot see at the moment. Studies indicate that the more positive energy that you project outward the more positive energy tends to return back to you in relationships.

This is a lot like ’emotional hot potato,’ or the ‘domino effect’. An example: The fathers boss screams at him and in turn he goes home and yells at his wife. She(the mother) in turn scolds her son harshly for leaving out the milk and he then, the son torments his little sister who then smacks the dog for… You get the point. It can be just like that only in reverse. Positive images create positive attitudes. The more uplifting you can be the better off the situation can tumble upwards.

One important thing to keep in mind is to use common sense in applying this. If you are truly angry or upset over something do not repress it, nor let it all out at once. This is just a suggestive guideline to save your marriage and not something solid or complete. There are times when it would be inappropriate for you to deny yourself of your true feelings. Not to mention unhealthy.

The best thing for this is to have someone to talk to. Someone you can trust, & let out your frustrations and complaints to. It does not always need to be a therapist in order to be therapeutic. It can be your mother, father, friend or whoever. Just make it a point to identify with your feelings and not to bottle them up. Which can make things much worse.

8. Learn Some New Ways To Approach Your Concerns. Obviously the ways you address your problems are currently not working all that well. Find new creative ways that will work, like using *I* statements when your asking for changes. When your spouse does something that your not happy with address it right away before it builds up and gets out of hand.

Think about it first and then with calm and collective premeditation help them understand the reason behind your requests in place of pointing a judgmental finger.Try them out on others,(that do not mean as much) first, before adding pressure to your already stressed marriage relationship.

9. Do Not Apologize Anymore. This one is another common sense suggestion. What I am talking about is when you make the one you love feel uncomfortable in front of others or something similar. Just say that next time you will definitely know better.

If you get into the habit of constantly apologizing for things it can get annoying, plus subconsciously this makes for admittance to wrong doing. If you apologize you are making plain that you are at fault and that something is wrong. Never apologize, instead suggest a solution out loud and remark that it was unintentional.

10. Empower Yourself To Your Situation. Knowledge is the key to power. Get the best information you can find on helping you save your marriage.This advice is critical and must be from outside of your circle of friends. Just make sure it is up to date and from a dedicated professional.

Unfortunately, the best advice is not something you will find for free; otherwise it is not “THE BEST”. The best advice works and it sells for exactly that reason. A professional or expert, went to school and was trained in what provides the best solutions possible to save your marriage. Otherwise, the information would not be worth selling. Chances are if the information is selling well, then the information also works well too.

The good thing here, is that it does not have to cost an arm and a leg and it will certainly be much cheaper and easier than divorce. Marriage help is best begun from the bottom up. Start with an e-book, to find out if your marriage needs the more intensive treatment and more expensive “Marriage Counseling”. It will be worth it in the long run because your marriage situation will improve and you will learn more of what you can do about any future marriage problems.

Saving your marriage is a learning process. This will come from finding out about what other marriages going through and what has worked for them.The right Information is the key to empowering yourself and giving you the confidence and reassurance that you are doing what is right.

There is so much more to learn for your specific marriage situation. Certain anecdotes that others apply may very well be all that you need to change things around and progress back into a happy marriage. Getting the marriage that you deserve is something you have to decide and want by taking action. Things will only continue to get more entangled the longer you put it off.

Note:

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jamie_Alan

by T. Whitley

Right after you have been married for a few many years, the dating seems to slow down or develop into extinct. Effective marriage ideas consist of dating, even when married, can be a strong device to rekindle the passions that you share and provide a necessary break from the each day routines that develop into uninteresting. When was the very last time you asked your spouse out for a day? This may perhaps look to be a ridiculous issue to you at initial, but the spontaneous act of asking your spouse out for a day can rekindle your enthusiasm for each and every other. –

1. Complimentary remarks

A uncomplicated “thank you” can be as strong as “you look excellent these days.” The reality of the make any difference is we all want to be identified for the efforts we make to make sure you our important other, and complimentary remarks do make a big difference.

2. Seizing the instant

A different way to present our husband or wife that we care is by seizing the moment. No matter if it’s a wonderful sunrise or sunset, or a passionate kiss prior to leaving for get the job done, sharing your love will exhibit that the most important issue on your head is your companion. If the little ones are on overnight play dates then prepare a tranquil romantic dinner for two, and prepare your own play day in the bed room. These rare events are opportunities for returning to the items that attracted you to just about every other in the to begin with place.

3.Preserve your perception of humor

Far more successful marriage tips can involve retaining your feeling of humor. Nothing at all breaks up a mundane romantic relationship like superior previous humor. Amusing jokes and absurd predicaments need to have to be shared with your husband or wife. Immediately after all, if you and your spouse are legally married, but you almost never devote excellent time together, then your marriage really should not be categorized as a ‘marriage’, it will need to be additional effectively categorized as a ‘social living arrangement.’ Stage becoming, consider the initiative and routine bonding activities together. Your activities do not have to be grandiose, just only taking advantage of just about every other’s business need to be adequate.

4. Have Open And Straightforward Communication.

I cannot overemphasize the relevance of husband and spouse getting open and sincere communication involving them. In order to accomplish a nutritious, prosperous marriage, both husband and wife should normally be in a position to communicate out their minds freely not having acquiring to fear becoming judged or disrespected. Both spouses ought to get a turn voicing their considerations whilst the other listens attentively – this way, the concept will be conveyed obviously, issues can be resolved a lot more conveniently and promptly, and pointless arguments can be averted.

5. Compromise Effectively.

When you sort a marital partnership with a different human being, you are in impact communicating to the other individual that you are ready to give up some of your freedoms in hopes of attaining in exchange a little something extra valuable. Thriving marriages operate in massive aspect due to the fact aspect spouses know how to compromise.

 

– See more at: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=816331&ca=Business#sthash.q23fsEjF.dpuf

Marriage couple older togetherBlogger, lead pastor and writer Kevin Thompson penned an excellent piece on the one trait he believes is the most important one you need to look for in prospective partner for life.  Thompson explains that the vow “in sickness and in health” is more than just a saying.  It involves the one characteristic that is a “must have,” or a “deal-breaker” in the person you are considering marrying.

When the going gets rough, is this the person you want to suffer with?  Can you work together through the pain?  If the answer is “No,” you have a serious problem.

Read more of Thompson’s advice here.

Avoid Divorce and Find Happiness within the Marriage Again

by James Hess

You are searching for some different methods you can use to restore the affection, intimacy, and joy of your marriage again. You want to get back the happiness that seemed to surround the two of you when you began this journey together. You are saying to yourself, “I need to save my marriage.”

When you got married to your spouse two separate and somewhat different personalities, upbringings, and possibly different cultures were united. All marriage relationships go through incidences of conflict and disagreement because of the previously mentioned personal differences that are parts of your marriage.

If the marriage relationship becomes a perpetual-cycle of conflict and dysfunction, then the strain of the marriage problems stemming from bitterness may prove to be too overwhelming. The painful and harmful feelings stemming from the bitterness of the relationship may become too intolerable. You need some serious changes in your marriage to keep both of you from getting separated. Don’t let the marriage fade or worse yet become a divorce-war. A divorce often negatively affects the personal and social lives of both partners.

Available to you right now are five different ways to solve your marriage problems such as: misunderstandings, breakdowns in communication, lack of fulfillment, and loss of hope for the restoration of happiness and joy in your married life. There are marriage restoration steps that both of you can follow to solve these types of problems and save your marriage. If you ignore the marriage problems they will continue to spiral out of control.

Step 1: Agree that there are Major Problems in your Marriage

The first step to solve your marriage issues is to honestly admit and agree that the problems do exist. It will take communication and a decision to cooperate together fully in order to make any of these steps viable in your relationship. If your spouse is not interested in trying to save the marriage, then in order to influence your spouse in a positive way you could start using these methods. You will at least be able to improve your internal personal life, and you may be able to save your marriage all by yourself.

Step 2: Determine the Marriage Problems Alone

Separately, start this part of the process of determining both of your marriage problems and solutions. The next step will be worked on together, but this stage should be done on your own. Both of you should sit down separately, and write out your own list of the marriage problems from each of your own personal perspectives. Each of you putting in your own individual effort will prove to each other that both of you are serious about doing each of your parts to save the marriage. When engaging in this activity each of you should try to use the following as guidelines:

Gather facts about the marriage problems that you perceive

Make assumptions (based on making a true effort to learn about your spouse’s background, experiences, personality, and the marriage problem facts that you had gathered)

Come up with your own individual solutions to your assumptions

Step 3: Have Meetings to Determine the Marriage Problems and Solutions Together

The next step to help save your marriage in crisis from divorce is to sit down cordially together with the aim of determining the marriage problems both of you agree need to be worked on together. Come together to open-up and share your individual solutions using respectful two-way communication that allows each spouse’s individual solution to a particular marriage problem to be fully listened to and considered. If your communication together is not clear and/or forthcoming, then look out for subtle hints each of you will leave.

Use a peaceful, back-and-forth communication style

Next, determine together which of your individual problems have caused the marriage to suffer, such as life decision differences, lack of intimacy, abuse, work and home stress, and/or unfaithfulness

When describing a grievance, always use statements that describe how you felt instead of blaming your spouse for what transpired

If the conversation turns into an argument, then agree to take a break apart from each other until both of you are calmed down and ready to continue peacefully

Brainstorm and write down all of the most important marriage problems you both are feeling and sharing

Allow the conversation on how to solve the agreed upon problems to become a fusion of better ideas built upon each idea both of you share. Continue to do this until you both agree on the solutions you will take as marriage saving goals

Follow through on accomplishing those goals together, and hold each other respectfully accountable for each doing his or her own part

Step 4: Get Sound Advice

It is important to seek sound advice from close friends and family who truly care about you and know the two of you best. Expert books and counseling can give you options, suggestions, and help both of you in the process of coming to terms together. It can help each of you understand how to make the relationship work from both of your perspectives. Always evaluate any advice you get to see if it will work well for you and your spouse. Following one “bad apple” suggestion could spoil your marriage saving efforts, so be careful!

Step 5: Rekindle the Marriage

The perfect way to “lock-in” your efforts to save your marriage with your spouse is through reigniting your love for each other. The special, secret ingredients of marriage romance are surprises and assertive pursuit of each other and upfront honesty shared with each other. All of these aspects of romance that help build intimacy can be put into effect on a hot, candlelit date, playful displays of affection, and/or weekend getaways.

Honestly opening up to each other while you focus on “romancing-up” and saving your marriage is one of the best ways to rekindle a close marriage relationship together. Passionately getting to know each other all over again as the people you have now become will help seal the relationship building efforts you and your spouse are making together.

Conclusion

If you give each other plenty of time to follow all five marriage relationship restoring methods, then sooner or later both of you should be able to truly open-up and share your feelings. This process of restoring passion, purpose, and emotional connection should make your relationship strong with natural attraction. Work with determination to follow the five marriage saving methods by both of you accepting that the marriage needs to be fixed; determining the marriage problems together, getting sound advice, and romantically pursuing each other. Working together to accomplish these five methods should help both of you re-establish passion for each other.

If both of you face many obstacles along the way when you are trying to fix the relationship, then you can take a break from your marriage saving responsibilities to take a breather. However, no matter how difficult it may become to communicate with each other or to deal with outside pressures do not allow those thing to keep you from getting back together to work on the marriage. Also, do not allow them to distract both of you from achieving your goals. If you think that re-ordering these steps would work best for saving your marriage, then accomplish these steps in whichever order both of you decide to take. You can have many options in your marriage saving efforts. If both of you decide that surrendering the marriage is not an option, then you will come out the other side happier for all the effort.

— James Hess is a marriage restoration and relationship improvement writer. Visit James and his wife’s site at http://www.keepmarriagealive.com. The couple is dedicated to helping as many marriages as possible to be made stronger by helping married couples discover marriage saving cures, passion building tips and advice.”

Marriage_couple_older_back_beach_513x341Valerie and Walter Scott just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary, and they shared with The Daily Echo newspaper their reasons why their marriage has been so successful.

“My advice would be that you have to let each other have some space and some time to yourselves sometimes,” explained Valerie. She also expressed that she couldn’t believe that they had made it 6 decades together.

Her loving husband added, “We share everything together and we work well together. So I would say that you can only be in love if you are going to get married. You cannot do it for any other reason such as finance or convenience, only for love.”

The couple met at the young ages of 15 and 20 when he was a student and she was working at the Leicester Colleges of Technology and Art.   The full story can be found here.

A man and a woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.

“When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

“Honey,” he said “that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?”

“Oh, that?” she said. “That’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

source: unknown

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